Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Two Things I Don’t Know.

There are a couple of things that I do not know. Yes, I freely admit it! There are at least two.

These are both pretty semantic, if that’s not your cup of tea, well then you stumbled onto this blog by accident and have probably stopped reading it by now.

Also, I am completely 100% aware that a quick Google search would probably provide me answers to both of these things, but I like a little mystery in life. Here we go:

Navel-gazing. I’m sure you have heard this term before. I’m not exactly sure what it means. I know that it has something to do with wasting time thinking, but does it mean gazing at one’s own navel and thinking important deep thoughts about one’s self? Or does it mean sitting around gazing at other people’s navels and thinking about them, like at a beach or something? I honestly don’t know, so I avoid using this term. Also – whichever it means – where does this derive from? Is there some story I don’t know about how Buddha found enlightenment while gazing into his belly button? And if so, what was going on in there?? Also, is there an outside chance that this is derives from a citrus-growing expression? Maybe something having to do with guarding your orange crop to from predators? Or orange thieves? I really have no clue. I red this term in a magazine the other day, which is what reminded me that I don’t know what it means.

Okay, you think that was bad? Here’s the other one:

The Count: If you watch sitcoms about young people comically tumbling through life (I am thinking of How I Met Your Mother, but there are a lot of – far inferior – shows out there that have covered this same ground) and someone is talking to someone else about sex that they just had (I’m convinced these conversations happen almost exclusively on TV, BTW) they will often make an allusion to the number of times. Like so-and-so has sex with so-and-so and then makes some poorly formed double-entendre to another so-and-so and then indicate a number of times. Here, I will give you a bad example in the form of a small play:

MAN – has just had sex in an airplane bathroom
FRIEND – is traveling with the man who just had sex in an airplane bathroom

An airplane.

FRIEND: Did you just have sex in the airplane bathroom?
MAN: You know I did.
FRIEND: Would you like to say some poorly formed double-entendre about it?
MAN: I put her tray table into its upright and locked position.
FRIEND: I bet her overhead baggage may have shifted.
MAN: Yeah it did … twice!


Okay, so I’m sure you have seen a scene like this, so we’re all on the same page? Cool. Okay, so here is what I don’t know: is MAN saying that while in that airplane bathroom that they had sex twice? Or is he saying that he climaxed twice? Or that she did? I’m just confused as to what is being enumerated here. A lot of these scenes play out like the one I just described, where the characters were not in the airplane bathroom for very long. So is MAN bragging about having two short sessions of what I have to imagine was pretty quick and unsatisfying sex? Or is he just talking about one or both of them getting off more than once? Which – I guess – is worth bragging about but probably not something you can just say on TV in primetime … again, I’m just confused.

A, I being too literal? Probably, but what if I want to be a sitcom writer one day?! I will need to know this stuff!

So anyway, those are the two things I don’t know. Twice!


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