Monday, April 21, 2014

Bad Blogger ... Good Writer?




So I have been a bad blogger lately, but not for the usual reasons. I have been so busy with school and under-the-table-arson-for-hire business that I have neglected to tell you that I have been getting some stuff published lately. That is especially bad blogging on my part because the reason this website ostensibly exists is to be an online presence for my writing. Believe it or not, I do write more than drunken rants. And occasionally people even publish them!

So far this year I have had three pieces of short fiction placed!

Here are links to the journals:




I also had two other pieces accented to the college literary journal.
It had been awhile since I’ve had anything published out there in the world, but then it had been awhile since I had sent anything out. Back in January I gathered put (almost) everything I had just sitting around and submitted it out to. It was about twenty pieces of short fiction, a couple one-act plays, and maybe a half dozen half-way passable poems. So far I have had about six pieces rejected and three accepted. Believe it or not but that means that this has been an extraordinarily successful exercise.

Anyway, I'm very fancy. As I have always told you.
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The kind of day it has been.


The kind of day it has been: for reasons passing understanding, today I wore three completely different outfits, one for each of the three completely different parts of my day. This was not by design at all. Weirdly, a girl I know who I virtually never see, saw me - entirely randomly - during each of the three separate parts of my day and in each of my different outfits. If she noticed, she didn’t say anything and I’m happy she didn’t because I would not have had any reasonable explanations for any of the costume changes. Sometimes a guy just wants to change clothes, you know?

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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

THE LEAST INTERESTING MAN ALIVE!



I’ve mentioned that I’m working on a minimizing project that involves going through old notebooks and such.

I just came across some funny notes. My friend Mike the Director had the idea once that we should make a few shorts parodying those “most interesting man alive” commercials. It was fun to come up with stuff for the idea. The idea was this:

THE LEAST INTERESTING MAN ALIVE!

I don’t always drink beer, but when I do …

… It’s because I like the twist-off caps.
… I’m usually alone … so alone.
… I drink lots of water after and wait several hours before driving.
… it’s usually at a barbeque or something. You know, if someone offers.
… I still go to bed early so that I can get a good night’s sleep.
… I tend to lash out at whomever is around me.
… honestly, I don’t really drink beer.



Remember that the commercials had voiceover that was unconnected to the visuals, so for visuals here, just imagine that he is intensely cleaning his stapler. On a saturday night.



HE IS (beat) THE LEAST INTERESTING MAN ALIVE:



- When he wakes in the mornings, his dreams don’t remember him ...
- His cat’s smugness is due to the fact it is actually superior, not just the fact that it is a cat …
- He doesn’t mind waiting for the cable guy. He wasn’t really doing anything anyway …
- If the Olympics created a stapler-cleaning event, he still wouldn’t be good enough at it to qualify …
- When he dances, people go out of their way not to notice …
- A noted astrophysicist once compared his personality to the the emptiness of space ...

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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

TMNT.




An awesome idea I just had for a cartoon show:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Tortoises!
They’re like the Ninja Turtles, except bigger and slower and less motivated. The still fight crime, but it just takes them a really, really long time to do it. They’re not so much ninjas, I guess, as they are more like Zen masters and they don’t really get flustered or excited about anything. In their downtime they eat pizza, but it is pretty much always cold because it takes them so long to get around to it. And instead of being named after renaissance artists they are named for different ages of geologic time.
I think this will be the quickly-canceled cartoon show in television history! But it will later find a cult following on Netflix.

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I'm a Fan of Shaun Tan.


I am very relieved tonight because I just turned in my term paper for my Picture Book Theory class. Yes, the paper was due pretty early, but I am happy to have it done. I had - what I think was - an interesting approach to the paper (I think I posted the abstract on here awhile ago), but the actual writing of the paper (you know, the work part) was actually rather challenging. I did a lot of my research last week, but I had a great deal of trouble finding my way into the paper when I sat down to write it. I feel like I have basically been in a bunker for the last four days because virtually all of my time was devoted to the paper. But now I am free of it!

None of that is terribly interesting, I know, but you know what is interesting? The work of Australian illustrator/author Shaun Tan. I did a - sort of - Deconstructionist analysis of one of his books in my paper. His work is absolutely strange and fascinating. You should go to your local library and check out literally anything that he has done. You won’t be disappointed.


Here are some pictures of his work, it is kind of amazing.






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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Peach.


Any writer worth your time needs to be at least a little bit of a hedonist, if only so that he can describe fruit well.


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#45placesIhavepeed


As part of my ongoing “minimizing all the shit I own” project, I have been going through all these plastic tubs of notebooks I own and throwing out all the notebooks/notes that are really of no value to me as a writer.

I just came across some scrawled notes that I had completely forgotten about. They can only be an early idea for a blog post that I never got around to writing (because it is harder than it looks!), but here now I have completed (below) the post that I envisioned so many years ago! You’re welcome!

Here’s the idea: places I have peed!

This should totally be a thing! #45placesIhavepeed

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