Everything I Have to Say about Harry Potter
by james bezerra
Now that Harry Potter is ending
children everywhere can go back to not reading!
Did you know that the college I attended
offered a class in Mister Potter?
The English snob in me was a little offended,
but the egalitarian in me said, “The more the merrier!”
Did you know a Dumbledore is a kind of bee?
That was totally news to me!
I thought it meant: rip off of Obi-Wan Kenobi!
Did Alan Rickman
turn out to be a bad guy?
I have never trusted him,
you know why?
DIE HARD, that’s why.
I am uncomfortable when grown men
talk about a “hot” Emma Watson.
Ralph Fiennes is great as Lord Voldemort,
but what if, to play the part,
they had actually gotten Dick Cheney?!
How great would that be?!
Hey, remember those vibrating brooms
they had to stop selling?
Because girls were running off to their rooms?
Wow, that was uncomfortable and embarrassing!
And remember how strange it was for all of us
when Daniel Radcliffe bared his ass in the play Equus?
But I guess the biggest question
is whether Harry finally won
the war against evil
and made the world safe for us all.
(I bet he did!)
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