Misled.

Life is okay. Don’t be misled by that last poem. I just think it is a fun poem.

Money could be better and there is too much schoolwork and too little time and too too much rent to pay and too little money, but I’m okay. I get by with a little help for my friends. I think that’s how the song goes.

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Some Possibly True Facts!

Some of these things are true!


Osama bin Laden’s is believed to be the most recognizable face in the world!

Rob Lowe is a bestselling novelist!

Edgar Allan Poe bred cats in Baltimore with seven toes!

Recent poll finds that for the first time Astronomers now have high rates of suicide than dentists!

Lou Diamond Phillips is the godfather of Jennifer Grey’s son!

Marine biologists have discovered that cats cannot SCUBA dive!

In 1962 the Soviet space program launched an elephant named “Pasha” into space and that she made 26 orbits of the planet Earth!

All Canadians are afraid of the dark!

President James A. Garfield was the model for the famous cartoon cat in the comic strip “Garfield”!

President James Buchanan was the model for the cartoon character of “Jon” in the comic strip “Garfield”!

In parts of Amazonian Peru tarantula eggs are considered a delicacy and eaten on bread!

The band “The Decemberists” are named for a 19th Century Russian military uprising!

The nation of Azerbaijan was named for Dilpallan Azerbaijani, a fourth century Hindu explorer and religious leader!

Opium was discovered by the Mongolians, not the Chinese!

The Palestinian Authority is not allowed to enter teams in the Olympics!

The actual nationality of Christopher Columbus is unknown because as a boy he was orphaned in a shipwreck, of which he was the only survivor!

The 1990’s one-hit-wonder band “White Town” changed its name and became the band “Spoon”!

The band “The Presidents of the United States of America” are working with Sir Mix-A-Lot on a Broadway musical about the rise and fall of the band “The Presidents of the United States of America”!

Kurt Russell was nearly cast in the role of Han Solo in “Star Wars” instead of Harrison Ford!

Dennis Hopper was nearly cast in the role of Tom Hagen in “The Godfather” instead of Robert Duvall!

As a child actress, Calista Flockhart was an extra in one crowd scene the Harrison Ford film “Witness”. Now they are married!

More than 1,800 man-made objects fall out of space every year due to their deteriorating orbits! Most of them burn up on re-entry!

In the 1940s Army and Exxon scientists worked together on a secret project to chemically change water into oil and visa versa!

Historians and psychologists now believe that Civil War Union general William Tecumseh Sherman was actually a diagnosable pyromaniac!

Every year more than 40 people worldwide are killed by ants!



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Regrettable Lies I Have Gotten Away With.

Since I can’t sleep I have been reflecting on my life and below is a(n incomplete) list of lies that I have told people THAT WERE BELIEVED!

That my family owns a bridge outside of Tracy California where my father taught me how to fish.

That I was adopted (I wrote a two-part editorial about it for my high school paper).

That I dropped out of UCLA medical school.

That I have been to Chicago.

That I would pick up the bar tab (I still feel bad about that one).

That I wasn’t drunk.

That I used to be in a band.

That I ran for mayor of my hometown when I was 19.

That I served in the merchant marines for four years.

That I am a commercial airline pilot.

That I taught myself how to tie a necktie at the age of four.

That I am Jewish.

That I am a devout Christian who is unhappy that I can’t find a church that, “Really practices what Jesus taught. You know?”

That I am gay.

That I used to know how to speak Portuguese.

That I had a short-lived and completely unsuccessful career in pornography.

That I used to own a beat up car with a lot of bumper stickers on it.

That I know how to ski.

That I have performed CPR on myself by leaning over the back of a chair.

That I used to work as a fire extinguisher inspector.

That I got such high SAT scores because they lost my test and my parents threatened to sue the SAT company.

That I had a roommate who could make fake library cards.

That my father is the actor who played the bad guy in the first “Beverly Hills Cop” movie.

That I can change the oil in a car.

That I saw a tornado once when I was in Missouri.

That I accidently swallow paper clips all the time at work.

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