Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Angry Johnny.

Just saw a trailer for one of those second tier cash-grab Harry Potter movies and are we still casting Johnny Depp in stuff??? I remember moving him to the persona non grata column like two years ago, the way we all knew we would have to one day. It's like how Mel Gibson movies are somehow still on cable. Admittedly I don't pay much attention to these things, but I'm very confused. I'm going to go ahead and not see that movie just like I was going to not see it in the first place.


I can’t sleep, so I’m out for a walk. Not going to lie, it’s pretty scary.

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

7 1/2 Minutes.

Today I ate all the brownies I made yesterday.

I’m not bragging.

I feel pretty bad about it, actually.

I think my pants are already tighter.

I did other stuff today too, mostly job hunt stuff, but all of that was pretty boring compared to the brownie thing.

Last night I talked to one of my brothers on the phone and I said that right now while I am looking for a stable work, I am in a “low power mode” I said, “like when you go to sleep for deep space travel” I don’t think I had quite realized that that’s what I’m doing.

I’ve been running and I found some free weights that I use while I’m watching TV, but one is a 5 pound weight and one is a 10 pound weight, so I have to switch arms after each set, so that’s weird. I’ve been waking up with sore and floppy arms though, so that’s a good sign.

It feels right now like I am in a suspended animation. That’s probably okay. I’m certainly not complaining, I just need to get to whatever the next part of life is. This is like when you have HBO and in between the movies have like seven and a half minutes of stuff you don’t care about, but you know they need that time to line up their schedule properly? Well right now I am living inside that 7 ½ minutes.

It’s boring, but we have brownies here, so I’ll live.


Monday, November 12, 2018

Making Brownies.

Today I made brownies. I do not know when I last made brownies. I think I’m kind of bored. And cheap. And like small projects. Lately I have been thinking about making breakfast as a little project. I get set out all the things I need: mug for coffee, mug to scramble eggs, tiny frying pan, etc. I like steps and I like to clean as I go, and I like to be able to sit down with my eggs and coffee and say, “PROJECT COMPLETE!”

Yeah, I don’t have enough to do right now.

I’ve been looking for work. Few things are as destructive to one’s sense of worth as looking for work. I’m on three different job sites and I am on them every day and I’ve only been at this for a few weeks (less than a month) and today I just kind of hit a wall. It is all the same today as it was yesterday! So I decided to make some brownies. I’ve been trying to eat better lately, but some days a grown ass man just wants to bake some brownies, you know?

I should be writing more than I am (my NANOWRIMO is not going well, guys), but I’m still in that weird post-MFA funk. I feel like I’m still recharging my batteries, although I did finally get the proof for the book I made about my residency in Nebraska, so that's fun. I’m going through it now looking for problems/errors. I also created an actual book using letters my grandfather wrote during World War II. So I’m not doing nothing, but I don’t feel like I’m doing enough. That’s the story of my life though. I have felt this way as long as I can remember.

Anyway, I have to go take my brownies out of the oven. I just wrote this because I was standing here in the kitchen with my laptop open. TTFN.