Take On Me.

In case you were curious, my day was bad in just about every way that it could be. So I am sitting on the couch drinking crap wine and reading Tom Robbins while my roommate Eggplant Parmesan (still test driving blog names for her) and dearest Jennica learn “Take Me On” on ukuleles.

Don’t ever tell them that I said so, but they are actually getting quite good and the soft uke sounds actually help to rub down the nasty edges of my day.

If I were to step out of my head for just a moment (fat chance of that) I might actually realize that life is okay at this very moment.


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Conversational Strategery.

So my roommate Eggplant (still test driving blog named for her) and I were just talking about stuff and in the course of talking we stumbled across something that we disagreed about and I was getting all geared up to explain to her why she doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about and all of the sudden she was all like, “Nope, you’re totally right, I agree.”

And I was bumfuzzled and disappointed because one of my favorite things to do is explain to people why they don’t know what the hell they are talking about.

And then I realized that she wasn’t agreeing with me at all! In fact she was only trying to placate me until it was time for her to leave. She was expressing her disagreement through the strategy of Agreement and that is like one of those perfect chess moves that I don’t know anything about, wherein the opponent is left with literally no options but to flip the table over and storm out of the chess tournament hall. That’s what I felt like. I wanted to go all Bobby Fischer all over the situations, but I realized and accepted that I had been beaten in a game of conversational stratagem (or “strategery” if you’re a Republican).

My roommate Eggplant then did a little victory lap about how we have only been in this apartment two months but she already knows how to win. And apparently it is by ostensibly agreeing with me.

And to this I say, “What the fuck ever.”

I feel like I had commanded the prettiest horse cavalry in all the world, six months into World War I.

I really hope that this whole “I agree with you” thing doesn’t catch on, because I would find it hard to live in a world where there’s no one to get angry and indignant at.


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Songs For My Band's Next Album.

So if you have read this blog before, you know that I am in a completely fake band. We don’t practice or play and that’s good because most of us can’t actually play what you might call ‘traditional’ instruments anyway.

Myself, I play the variable-speed blender and I am getting quite good (not actually) at the harmonica.

What our band does do, however, is amass good song titles. Below are some of the better and best that we have come up with lately.

Tell me that you don’t want to hear these songs. Seriously. Say it with a straight face.


Some of the awesome songs for our next album:


The Rusty Lush

Tasks Heroic and Necessary

Hot Foggy Glasses - (this is stolen from Eggplant).

Infrared Love Story

The East German Mummy Mania Project

Naked Shower Ghost – (this is stolen from Eggplant & The Captain)

Hot and Damp (like laundry)

Electric Shakespeare

Static Kill

Pavilion of Wigs

Chronic Love Captive

Glorious Defilement

A Growing Constellation

The American Asylum

Slunk Traffickers Trail a Pregnant Cow - (this is stolen from William Burroughs)

Fallacy is the only Phallus I got

Lunar Parking is Easy to Find

Burned Nickel is Burnished Metal

Don’t Stop Unless I Say the Safe Word


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