Saturday, August 23, 2014

LAPD Horse Conspiracy.

As I’ve mentioned before, I live in LA. Some people would say that I don’t, that I actually live in the San Fernando Valley. I would never say that I live in Los Angeles, because that is a city with boundaries (I used to live down there a few years ago), but I have come to find that “LA” is a more generalized term that refers to most of this mess south of Santa Clarita and north of Long Beach. I guess. That’s a pretty nebulous area and I’m not even sure that I agree with those borders. I used to say that LA was anything south of the Grapevine and north of Camp Pendleton, but I don’t think that’s quite right either. It is a hard thing to pin down. I don’t love living here, but I have learned to enjoy it. If you have your own thoughts about what and where LA is then please email them to

I mention that I live in LA only so as to explain that I end up hearing a lot of local news when I listen to NPR and recently there was a great half-scandal concerning the chief of the LAPD. His name is Charlie Beck and he got in some trouble because the department bought a horse from his daughter in a possibly unethical way. Now I could not let a horse scandal go un-researched, so I looked into it a little more. Basically though it isn’t so much a scandal about a horse, but rather it is mostly about whether or not Beck lied about his involvement in the whole thing (He totally lied, BTW), but I quickly lost interest because none of the articles I read included interviews with horses. You can read all about it here.

So none of this is very interesting, right? No way to make a movie-of-the-week out of this, right? Well what if I told you that LAPD chief Charlie Beck looks a whole lot like Tom Selleck? Yeah, now you’re interested.

This is Charlie Beck.

This is Tom Selleck.

This is a picture of Tom Selleck dressed as a police chief (Or is it?)

This is a picture of Chief Charlie Beck dressed as General Dwight D. Eisenhower.

This is actually a picture of General Dwight D. Eisenhower. (Just kidding! That’s Harry Truman.)

This is a picture of Tom Selleck if his body were to rotate around his face.

This is a picture of Chief Beck, as rendered by a police cake-sketch artist.

Now what if I tell you that I am NOT THE ONLY ONE to have noticed this? The LAist was on this back in 2009. (Only I didn’t know that until just now while I was googling for pictures of Tom Selleck).

I don’t have a theory worked out for this whole thing yet, but I will say that it is quite a coincidence that Charlie Beck and his family have horses and that Tom Selleck has been seen riding horses, but has never been seen with Beck.

I’m going to look into this some more. I’ll shake some trees and see what falls out. If you don’t hear from me again … well then you’ll know why ...


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