Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Dear The NSA.

Dear The NSA,

You’ll notice that in the short story below I included the tag “IED”, I did this against my better judgement as a writer (What is subtlety after all, if we explain it?), but I put it there for you dear The National Security Agency, so that you can know why I have been reading about land mines all night.

Also, since you’re here, I have a couple of questions I have been wanting to ask: When I use Google Chrome’s incognito window, you can’t see what I’m looking at? Right? Right???

Also, did you build your massive data center in Utah because it is somehow affiliated with that secret Mormon bunker where they keep the “gold plates”? I’m not a conspiracy guy, but it just seems like a pretty big coincidence ...

Also, are you guys hiring? I have a year left in my program, but I would totally dig a job with security clearance.  I want one of the good ones though. What’s better than top secret? I want that one. I would also like to meet those aliens you guys have. That is you guys, right? Or is that the Air Force? I can never keep track of who has the aliens and who is run by the Illuminati. It’s not CIA, because they’re run by the Skull and Crossbones guys, so you must be the Illuminati one.

Also, I would like you to teach me how to “hack a mainframe”. I don’t know what that means but I have seen people do it in movies and it always seems like a useful skill.

In conclusion, thanks for your time and your interest in my internet browsing habits. I promise that I was only reading about landmines and IEDs because I wanted to know what they were made out of, how they were constructed, transported, placed, and detonated. That’s all. I swear.

Keep up the good work protecting me from myself.



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