The Ocean is Trying to Kill Me
by james bezerra
The Ocean is trying to kill me.
Surely it put a price on my head.
Crabs laid siege to my sand castles.
Seals stole my swim trunks.
Sharks took chunks out of my canoe.
Lobsters pinched my blisters.
Starfish hurt my feelings.
Otters tried to poison my pasta.
Jellyfish tried to burn down my house.
A bunch of kelp tried to frame me for tax evasion.
A school of Tuna mailed me a bomb.
I’m not kidding.
Sperm whales got nabbed by the FBI while trying to hire a hit man.
Swordfish blew out the pilot light in my kitchen.
Mackerel cut by brake lines.
I caught an orca digging a pit in my yard. Pointy sticks lay by his side.
It was getting out of control.
So I moved to Arizona, but
then it began to rain krill.
Prawns crawled up my plumbing.
Sea bass tried to kick my ass.
Sea cucumbers filled up my tub with hairdryers. How did they get so many hairdryers?
Sea Lions fired mortars at my home.
I don’t know why this is happening!
Could it be that albatross I ate?