The Goat I will be Getting.

If you have been reading this blog for awhile then you know that:

A) I had spent some time looking for a hobby other than writing, because I was going to go insane.

B) That I have recently (and only barely) tried out backpacking.

C) That I tend to get mildy obsessive about things from time to time.

Now I have thus far sheltered you, dear blog, from my growing onsession about backpacking stuff. Largely because this is first and foremost a blog about writing (however crappy) and only secondarily about me. You have no idea how many times I have wanted to tell you about my Alpine Design Ultralight 45 Terrain Mummy Bag or my Eureka Spitfire 1 tent or the Jetpoint Zip stove after which I lust, but I have decided that unless I can make that interesting to read about (and not just fetishistic) then I shall not bother you about those things.

Anywhoo, the point is that there IS a piece of equipment that I would like to get that will benefit my new found hobby AND also be interesting to read about.

You see, I would like a goat.

I recently read that the average-sized goat can haul up to 65 pounds over uneven terrain. Can you imagine that! I wouldn’t have to carry anything! And it’s not like I travel with 65 pounds of stuff anyway, so the goat will actually have a pretty light load!

I won’t need to bring any food for the goat because goats will eat positively fucking anything! And they already make special vests for dogs to wear while hiking, so I can probably just get one of those for my goat.

Also, if I ever choose to go backpacking solo, I will have the goat to keep me company and protect me from bears and bobcats and such. And I will train it to follow simple commands like, “Come this way Goat!” or “Stop trying to eat that rock, Goat!” or “Oh no! I’m trapped under a boulder, go get help, Goat!”

And while I am sleeping my goat can guard my campsite and if it gets cold, then my goat can sleep in the tent with me and we can keep each other warm, and if it gets REALLY cold … well did you ever see Empire Strikes Back? But let’s hope it never comes to that.

So – tell me honestly – is this not like the BEST idea that you have ever heard of? I mean, I can’t even imagine a single thing that could go wrong with this plan! NOT ONE SINGLE THING!

I am thinking of naming my goat Tinkerbell. After Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua.


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