Unicorn Dream Diary.

I have not had the opportunity lately to update you on how exciting my life is!

That is basically because it isn’t.

Not right now anyway.

But thanks for stopping by!

I had gotten myself into a nice little routine, working and exercising and doing a lot of reading and generally being healthier, but then I fell ill, it was tragic and all that. I missed two days of work - and I don’t miss a lot of work – and although I’m feeling somewhat better now, it has been difficult to get back into the swing of things.

This year has been weird like that so far. Almost exactly a month ago I woke up one Saturday morning and simply felt TERRIBLE. I had gone to bed fine and woke up like a wreck. My head hurt, my stomach hurt, my back hurt, it was all hurt and blah. I spent a whole weekend like that and even missed work the following Monday by sitting in Urgent Care. It was the day of President Obama’s second inauguration actually, I remember because I watched it sitting in the Urgent Care waiting room. The various tests and such came back and declared that there was absolutely nothing at all wrong with me. The doctors were nice enough to say that I possibly had a “viral infection of some kind”, but it was totally a consolation prize.

So I sat myself down and had a little heart-to-heart with myself and decided that I would try to just healthy-it-up for awhile. Not that I was doing anything terrible or entertainingly immoral or illegal, but there was a lot I could do better, so I started. I won’t bore you with the details. It is mostly just about eating better and sleeping more and trying to be more happier and more fit. As you might imagine, the ‘happier’ part has been the most challenging, but I’m working on it.

Since I am basically a girl, I have also started keeping a cute little diary! It is just a notebook with notes about the day. Interestingly, I have read on running blogs and backpacking blogs and writing blogs that one should keep a daily journal of some sort. One of the running websites called it a “lifestyle journal” and so that is what I have been calling it to myself. The runner-up was “my unicorn dream diary”. I have created a far more complex than needed system for keeping track of how to best keep track of how many days I have been tracking things in my dream diary … I mean Lifestyle Journal. I have also been doing that 30 Day Shred thing (that angry, yelling, lesbian fitness robot woman Jillian Michaels hates me BTW and is trying to kill me) and so I keep track of my weight and which day of that I’m on and how it all went. I also keep track of what I eat. Sometimes I draw little pictures.

So all of this should confirm for you how FRICKEN’ BORED I am lately.

You know, I know other bloggers who get hate mail. Yeah, HATE MAIL. That’s interesting, right? Would it kill you people to send me so hate mail occasionally? Here, I will get you started:

Dear Jamie,

Thank you for finding yourself so fascinating that you pay sixty bucks a year to host a blog about how bored you are.

In case it was unclear, the above ‘thank you’ was ironic.

Also, we hate you and we’re going to murder you.

Sincerely,

Your Future Murderers

Here is a page from my dream diary … I mean, Lifestyle Journal.

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Fuck My Life!

So I just discovered that I have been taking the Day Time cold medicine at night and the Night Time cold medicine during the day! This may go a long way toward explaining why I have felt so out of it lately.

Let me ask you: If you were the people in charge of color-coding the Day Time and the Night Time pils, wouldn’t you make the Day Time pills a totally normal color and make the Night Time pills a nice, calm, peaceful light green? Yeah, me the fuck too! Thanks for noth’en generic CVS Sinus Congestion & Pain pills!

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Not a Winner.

Flannery O’Connor said something once that struck deeply but which I can never quite remember. It was something along the lines of, “ I sit down at my typewriter everyday not because I am inspired everyday, but because I want to be ready in case inspiration comes.”

I’m sure she said it better, but you get the idea. Well I have been trying to remind myself of that lately and so here I sit at my little white desk with my little black laptop … waiting. Well, I have to be honest with you folks, I do not think that tonight is going to be a winner. I’m tired and still a touch sick, though I did go running tonight. It was very, very cold and it wasn’t my best run, or my longest run or my fastest run, but it was a run. So I’m proud of myself in the tiniest sort of way. And I’m looking forward to a good, deep sleep tonight; my body is tired in a good way and that always makes for a good sleep.

Since I am all tuckered out tonight and can’t exactly remember that Flannery O’Connor quote, here is one from the inimitable John Hodgeman:

Stories hold power because they convey the illusion that life has purpose and direction. Where God is absent from the lives of all but the most blessed, the writer, of all people, replaces that ordering principle. Stories make sense when so much around us is senseless, and perhaps what makes them most comforting is that, while life goes on and pain goes on, stories do us the favor of ending.

That’s deep, right? Well, keep in mind that he is one of the most brilliant living absurdists and also said, “A stopped clock is correct twice a day, but a sundial can be used to stab someone, even at nighttime.”

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Cookies.

I’m legitimately sick today and not very happy about it. So I have spent the day sleeping and eating cookies. Because cookies are known for their healing properties.

You know what’s weird? I really want to be not sick because one of my favorite things to do on the weekends is to wake up and make some coffee and sit outside and read the news on my phone and I probably won’t be up for that tomorrow if I am sick. So I better eat some more of these magical medicinal cookies and get some rest.

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Pot Full of Salad.

For dinner tonight I ate a pot full of salad and a cup of soup.

I like to mix the salad together in the pot and then it always seems silly to remove the salad from the pot and put it into a bowl, thereby dirtying up yet another container. So I just eat it out of the pot.

I do this with chips and things at parties too. I just don’t see the point in owning special party bowls for chips and whatnot when I already I already have these pots and things.

I got soup at the store because I’m getting kind of sick, but I got the wrong sort, I think. I got a nice thick and creamy potato soup when I probably should have gotten a good broth-y soup. Obviously I am bad at life. But you already knew that, because you have read this post.

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HELLO The INTERNET!

Hello blog! The Internet! And the World!

Did you miss me … Oh. Did you even realize I was gone … Oh … Well I have to tell you, that’s a real blow to my ego …

Well, anyway.

I had a crazy-busy month of September and was not able to post at all. Here is how it all went down:

I went white water rafting on the American River (Rated A for “Awesome”!)

I worked my ass off at work in preparation for my Grand Canyon trip (Rated F for “Sucked”)

I went on my Grand Canyon trip (Rated AAA for “Awesome Association of America”!)

I came back and worked my ass off at work to make up for being gone on my Grand Canyon trip (Rated F+ for “Super-Sucked”)

I got really sick with a monster cold (Rated P for “Extremely Phlegm-y”)

And by then the month was over. See how time flies when you are alternating between awesomeness and sucking? I guess that in that regard I had a very bi-polar month. Oh! Additionally my cat Lilith (who is almost ten years old) has started having some health problems and I have taken her to the vet like 19 times in the last week and a half. No kidding, I have spent like $600 bucks that I don’t have on cat medical care. In the last week she has been to the doctor more times than I have in the last five years. Poor thing is all shaved down in weird places from all the tests they have done.

But you don’t want to hear about all that! Unless you’re some sort of freakish feline voyeur with a mean-streak, in which case … dude, seek help.

I will be easing back into this blogging-ness; I think we need to get to know each other again, you know? I think we shouldn’t take it too fast … all that.

But here are things that I am working on to share with you:

1)
Notes from my Grand Canyon trip, including, but not limited to:

- How I wasn’t technically in the Grand Canyon.

- How the hell does “40% chance of rain” actually mean “rain 40% of the time”?

- Dead horses.

- The string of curse words which is most appropriate when the hammock you are sleeping in falls to the ground with you in it.
- Camping beards.
- All of the ways in which I am an awesome adventure person (if we ignore all of the complaining I did).

2)
NANOWRIMO starts November 1st!
And since I am better at failing than at anything else, I am eagerly anticipating the beginning of National Novel Writer’s Month. However since I have actually been doing some real writing as of late, I have NO IDEA what to write about in November. So get ready for a lot of posts like:

Um … does this sound like an interesting idea for a novel? “A teenage girl falls in love with a teenage vampire and problems ensue.” Like, is that interesting? No … probably not, huh?

3)
How I am attempting to learn yoga from a video I bought at Target and how – believe it or not – Yoga is actually pretty cool. Even if you’re like me and probably doing it wrong!

4)
Some ruminations on life. I have been doing some reflecting and realized that 2011 has been a year of highs and lows and very little in-betweens. And why I seem to be in a perpetual funk lately.

5)
All the crap I normally write about:
- How Republicans are terrible
- Poetry that is bad
- Ways in which I find myself to be delightful
- Complaints
- Whimsy

Oh blog, we have so much catching up to do!

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Am Sick.

So I’m sick.

But not just in the prurient way that you’re thinking right now.

I mean that I’m actually and physically ill. This is no small thing for me to admit. Seldom do I give up a fight that easily. And let me tell you, I fought this one pretty hard. I have felt this phlegmy specter lurking for a while now, yet I refused to concede!

Today however, I just deteriorated into a sick, sneez-y, coughing failure.

So I have given up. I have gotten some meds and had some soup and I see some tea in the near future.

The only reason that any of this is even remotely blog worthy is because I just realized that this is the first time I have been super bad awful sick since I have been single. And let me tell you, it is positively shocking to me that I don’t have anyone who I can force to pretend to care about how awful I feel right now.

I know that sounds all whiney and everything, but please believe that that isn’t the point of this. I’m just thinking out loud right now and I’m realizing that I don’t know if I have ever actually been single and sick all at the same time.

This totally blows!

How the hell do all you people go through life like this? It’s miserable.

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