All Your Badger News.

It is very easy for us to get caught up in our own busy lives and to miss out on the important things and to forget that there is a wider world out there that needs our attention. Sometimes even when we want to keep abreast of the affairs of the world it is difficult to know where to even start; the world is a daunting place right now: Syria, Iraq, Libya, Somalia, the Ebola outbreak, ISIS. There’s the independence vote in Scotland, the upcoming midterm elections here at home, the economy is still in a slog, the wealth gap is as large as it has ever been and the western US is basically out of water. Like I said: daunting.

In light of all that, the editors here at Standardkink want to do our part and keep you up-to-date on one of the important issues you have probably not paid any attention to, that’s right: badger murdering.

For those of you who grew up in urban environments, this is a badger:  

This is an angry badger:

This is a skeptical badger who has lost his optimism and sense of purpose because he just read some Camus or something:

This is a still from the upcoming Quentin Tarantino children’s movie “Furry Friends Who Grow Up and Try to Eat Each Other”:

This is a badger who just wants you to rub his tummy:

This is a story about how the Brits are near a complete social collapse of the sort not seen since the War of the Roses on account of a government-sanctioned experiment to murder a bunch of badgers. It has something to do with stopping the spread of bovine tuberculosis. Well Britain has unwashed badger-loving hippies too and - god love them - they are threatening to hide in the bushes and throw themselves between the hunters and the badgers when the shooting starts. I imagine it will be something like the end of “In the Line of Fire” when Clint Eastwood throws himself between John Malkovich and the guy playing the President.

Some of them are, apparently, also infiltrating the groups of hunters, to what end I’m really not sure.

You can read about it all right here.

Also of interest: there is a surprisingly wide array of pictures of badgers on the internet. For instance, here is a badger in a helmet:

 This is a badger who is too close to the camera:

This is a badger who is alone. So alone:

This is a baby badger who wants to know why you let them murder his mother:

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How Are Things on the West Coast?

Out here on the West coast we have started paying cargo ships to slow the hell down in the Santa Barbara Channel so that they won’t hit as many blue whales.

I really think that there is something hilarious about this (and also sad) but I can’t for the life of me distill it down into a single coherent thought. And I have been thinking about it ALL DAY.

If you can isolate the hilarity genome in this, please let me know, otherwise I am just going to keep stewing on it endlessly,

(Also, don’t google “blue whale collisions” because there is - apparently - never a happy fun story about them.)

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Unicorn Dream Diary.

I have not had the opportunity lately to update you on how exciting my life is!

That is basically because it isn’t.

Not right now anyway.

But thanks for stopping by!

I had gotten myself into a nice little routine, working and exercising and doing a lot of reading and generally being healthier, but then I fell ill, it was tragic and all that. I missed two days of work - and I don’t miss a lot of work – and although I’m feeling somewhat better now, it has been difficult to get back into the swing of things.

This year has been weird like that so far. Almost exactly a month ago I woke up one Saturday morning and simply felt TERRIBLE. I had gone to bed fine and woke up like a wreck. My head hurt, my stomach hurt, my back hurt, it was all hurt and blah. I spent a whole weekend like that and even missed work the following Monday by sitting in Urgent Care. It was the day of President Obama’s second inauguration actually, I remember because I watched it sitting in the Urgent Care waiting room. The various tests and such came back and declared that there was absolutely nothing at all wrong with me. The doctors were nice enough to say that I possibly had a “viral infection of some kind”, but it was totally a consolation prize.

So I sat myself down and had a little heart-to-heart with myself and decided that I would try to just healthy-it-up for awhile. Not that I was doing anything terrible or entertainingly immoral or illegal, but there was a lot I could do better, so I started. I won’t bore you with the details. It is mostly just about eating better and sleeping more and trying to be more happier and more fit. As you might imagine, the ‘happier’ part has been the most challenging, but I’m working on it.

Since I am basically a girl, I have also started keeping a cute little diary! It is just a notebook with notes about the day. Interestingly, I have read on running blogs and backpacking blogs and writing blogs that one should keep a daily journal of some sort. One of the running websites called it a “lifestyle journal” and so that is what I have been calling it to myself. The runner-up was “my unicorn dream diary”. I have created a far more complex than needed system for keeping track of how to best keep track of how many days I have been tracking things in my dream diary … I mean Lifestyle Journal. I have also been doing that 30 Day Shred thing (that angry, yelling, lesbian fitness robot woman Jillian Michaels hates me BTW and is trying to kill me) and so I keep track of my weight and which day of that I’m on and how it all went. I also keep track of what I eat. Sometimes I draw little pictures.

So all of this should confirm for you how FRICKEN’ BORED I am lately.

You know, I know other bloggers who get hate mail. Yeah, HATE MAIL. That’s interesting, right? Would it kill you people to send me so hate mail occasionally? Here, I will get you started:

Dear Jamie,

Thank you for finding yourself so fascinating that you pay sixty bucks a year to host a blog about how bored you are.

In case it was unclear, the above ‘thank you’ was ironic.

Also, we hate you and we’re going to murder you.

Sincerely,

Your Future Murderers

Here is a page from my dream diary … I mean, Lifestyle Journal.

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Post of Pictures.

Recently I have come across some pictures on the internets which I would like now to share with you. I’m not one who enjoys just reblogging crap, but with the rise of Tapiture and The Chive and the like, men have more and more opportunities now to waste their time online doing something other than watching porn.

Anyway, please enjoy these pictures, I did.

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