An Odd Dream I Had Recently.

An odd dream I had recently:

During a nap the other day I had a dream that I was a grown man in the house that I grew up in and that I needed to change my clothes because there was some sort of important party outside. So I went to my old room (the one that I shared with two different brothers at two different times). I knew that I didn’t have any clean clothes so I would need to dig in the hamper. In my room there was a bed blocking the closet (which was not actually in the proper place anyway). My father was laying on the bed playing a videogame and so I had to climb over him to him to get to the hamper. I was very apologetic about it. I started digging through the hamper and at some point it occurred to me that the party going on in the backyard was actually some sort of political nominating convention and everyone was wearing sleepwear with the names of their candidates. Well I found a pair of Obama long johns and tossed them aside. I was actually looking for my Hillary boxers, but couldn’t seem to find them. Well eventually I did (all the way at the bottom) and I tossed those aside as well. Then I turned back to crawl back over my father, but he wasn’t my father anymore, he was President Obama laying there playing video games and so I apologized appropriately as I crawled quickly over him. Then however I realized how awkward it was that right there with him in the room I was about to put on my Hillary boxers and go out to the party. I remember feeling very guilty and uncomfortable about this, so I stepped into a different closet (which is actually the closet that physically existed in that room when I grew up) and I changed into my Hillary boxers out of his eyeline. Then I was about to head out to the convention in the back yard but when I came out of the closet something had changed and even though it was still my boyhood bedroom, it was also the rehearsal set for the Jimmy Fallon show where I was working now, apparently. I like Jimmy Fallon and I think he’s a good late-night host, but I don’t revere the guy or anything, so it was weird that I felt so nervous. Quickly though I realized that I wasn’t me exactly, I was just some person who worked there and Jimmy was sitting there on the bed and I sat down next to him because I had been working up the nerve to tell him that I could do more on the show and that I wanted to work my way up. At some point while I’m telling him this though, the bed is not a bed anymore, it is some sort of flying steel craft, like some sort soaring garbage scow in the San Francisco of a Star Trek movie and Jimmy and I are both clinging onto its metal shell while we are whizzing through the air and I am yelling over the howl of the wind how hard I am willing to work, but this whole time we are also shooting Nerf guns at each other and neither one of us seems concerned about the height, and the speed we’re traveling at, but I have a tight black ball of nerves in my gut, as if this is the most important conversation we have ever had and I’m saying to him something along the lines of, “I can do really well as a PA and then I would like to start submitting pieces to the writers’ room because I think that you will all see that I can write good stuff and then I will be in the writers’ room and then I will pretty quickly end up running the writers’ room and then I will be the writer and I will do all of the writing.” At some point in all that I blinked though or something because I’m not on a floating garbage scow anymore, I’m actually sitting in a very dark room that looks like something out of Blade Runner  and it isn’t Jimmy Fallon I’m talking to anymore, it is actually Katie Holmes with a very serious face (though I suspect that Jimmy Fallon has simply hidden inside of her body) and she says, with a marginally surprised but otherwise emotionless face, “Oh, no. We’re not even considering you for anything like that.”

And then I literally woke up with a start. It was the way people wake up in movies. I woke up that way. I usually do not remember my dreams for more than a few minutes after I wake up, but this one stuck with me. I do not know why. All of my dreams tend to be this chaotic and exhausting though. Just once I would like to have a dream about taking a nap in a meadow.

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Instead of Blogging.

Things that I have done recently instead of writing blogs for you to read:

- Worn a lady’s denim jacket (it fit surprisingly well)

- Gone on a small town Downtown beer-tasting beer-crawl.

- Worked on the design of my personal shipping container home (I’m making progress!)

- Reading Mary Roach’s “Packing for Mars”

- Secretly – and in the middle of the night and in the dark and in my bed with the sheet pulled over my head – started doing research on what exactly it would take to hike the Trans-Catalina Trail

- Working

- Fantasizing about quitting my job

- Fantasizing about quitting my job

- Very carefully planning and budgeting for how to live in a world where I have quit my job

- Watching a lot of Hulu

- Attending an unsanctioned class reunion

- Carefully tracking how incredibly fucking boring my life is in my “lifestayle journal”/”Unicorn Dream Diary”

- Learning how to work an iPhone (it is much harder than you would think!)

- Hiking the Hollywood Sign

- Trying to write (but actually just spending depressingly long periods of time sitting in front of my laptop without writing anything)

- Crying in the shower in the mornings

- Sleeping in a sleeping bag on my bed rather than sleeping in the bed itself (Later, when someone asks, this would be a pretty good example to point to in regard to when exactly my behavior started becoming “erratic”.)

- Trying to be ruthlessly frank and honest with myself – and really doing some serious soul-searching, including but not limited to self-doubt and not a small amount of self-loathing – about whether or not I really can get my base pack weight down to less than ten pounds and twenty liters.

- Trying to figure out how Twitter works (it is much harder than you would think!)

- Thinking about blogging*

- Cleaning up cat shit

*While none of these things are necessarily superior to blogging, some of them verge on the having of an actual life, which in and of itself may be superior to blogging. Conversely though, the having of an actual life might very well give me better stuff to blog about. I mean, how fucking fascinated would you be right now if I were a writer/hobo? What strange and bizarre and probably better blog would that be?!

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Unicorn Dream Diary.

I have not had the opportunity lately to update you on how exciting my life is!

That is basically because it isn’t.

Not right now anyway.

But thanks for stopping by!

I had gotten myself into a nice little routine, working and exercising and doing a lot of reading and generally being healthier, but then I fell ill, it was tragic and all that. I missed two days of work - and I don’t miss a lot of work – and although I’m feeling somewhat better now, it has been difficult to get back into the swing of things.

This year has been weird like that so far. Almost exactly a month ago I woke up one Saturday morning and simply felt TERRIBLE. I had gone to bed fine and woke up like a wreck. My head hurt, my stomach hurt, my back hurt, it was all hurt and blah. I spent a whole weekend like that and even missed work the following Monday by sitting in Urgent Care. It was the day of President Obama’s second inauguration actually, I remember because I watched it sitting in the Urgent Care waiting room. The various tests and such came back and declared that there was absolutely nothing at all wrong with me. The doctors were nice enough to say that I possibly had a “viral infection of some kind”, but it was totally a consolation prize.

So I sat myself down and had a little heart-to-heart with myself and decided that I would try to just healthy-it-up for awhile. Not that I was doing anything terrible or entertainingly immoral or illegal, but there was a lot I could do better, so I started. I won’t bore you with the details. It is mostly just about eating better and sleeping more and trying to be more happier and more fit. As you might imagine, the ‘happier’ part has been the most challenging, but I’m working on it.

Since I am basically a girl, I have also started keeping a cute little diary! It is just a notebook with notes about the day. Interestingly, I have read on running blogs and backpacking blogs and writing blogs that one should keep a daily journal of some sort. One of the running websites called it a “lifestyle journal” and so that is what I have been calling it to myself. The runner-up was “my unicorn dream diary”. I have created a far more complex than needed system for keeping track of how to best keep track of how many days I have been tracking things in my dream diary … I mean Lifestyle Journal. I have also been doing that 30 Day Shred thing (that angry, yelling, lesbian fitness robot woman Jillian Michaels hates me BTW and is trying to kill me) and so I keep track of my weight and which day of that I’m on and how it all went. I also keep track of what I eat. Sometimes I draw little pictures.

So all of this should confirm for you how FRICKEN’ BORED I am lately.

You know, I know other bloggers who get hate mail. Yeah, HATE MAIL. That’s interesting, right? Would it kill you people to send me so hate mail occasionally? Here, I will get you started:

Dear Jamie,

Thank you for finding yourself so fascinating that you pay sixty bucks a year to host a blog about how bored you are.

In case it was unclear, the above ‘thank you’ was ironic.

Also, we hate you and we’re going to murder you.

Sincerely,

Your Future Murderers

Here is a page from my dream diary … I mean, Lifestyle Journal.

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