Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Michael Bay May or May Not Totally Blow.

Have you seen this bullshit?!

Michael Bay May or May Not be Sorry for Armageddon.

Now you may or may not know this about me, but I LOVE the movie Armageddon and so do you. As huge, big budget, explosion-filled craptacular extravaganzas go, it is basically the bee’s knees. Name me a move that is larger, dumber, more earnest and yet somehow still touching? Go on, I dare you. Name one … well, whatever you just said is bullshit because Armageddon is better.

Just to be clear:

Is Michael Bay a good director? No, no he is not.

Is Armageddon “good” in the way that we usually mean when we say that a movie is “good”? No, no it is not.

Is it a stunningly perfect piece of summer blockbuster Americana? Yes, yes it is. Right up there with Top Gun, only BETTER. YEah, I said it. In whatever weird sub-category of film these things exist in, Armageddon is better. It is basically perfect. I mean it even has Ben Affleck in it doing his “acting”!

And don’t you dare for one second pretend that you doing cry like a little girl at the end when Bruce Willis is telling Liv Tyler how much he loves her. You do. You cry EVERY SINGLE TIME, thereby proving that - contrary to common opinion - a tiny human heart does beat somewhere inside your chest cavity.


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