Gender Neutrality

So my sister is pregnant and due in June. She and her husband have decided that they do not want to know the sex of the baby (Insert exasperated emoticon here, right?).

Today Violet and I were at the mall (I was totally not shopping at Forever 21) and we wandered through a baby store (or rather, a store that sells stuff for babies) and we were looking through the gender-neutral section of the store and Violet commented on how small the selection is for gender-neutral stuff.

So we decided that we are going to start a line of baby clothes that makes the gender of the child immaterial. “WHAT?” you ask. Well I will explain.

Let’s face it, babies are all (more or less) the same shape. They are all basically the same. Totally, it is true. So rather than dressing them into some gender-role costume, why not just use them to harmlessly express your own views which you would not otherwise be able to express in a socially-acceptable way.

For instance, if you’re secretly in the KKK, why not dress your baby in a KKK Onesie! If you hate Portuguese people, why not dress your baby in a “You guys are basically just Spanish, and everybody knows it! That’s just drunken Spanish, that language you’re speaking!” onesie!

If you hate the Police, why not get your baby a “Fuck the Police!” jumper? It will have Ice Cube’s picture on the ass!

We will also carry other kinds of baby accessories that have nothing to do with gender. For instance, baby diapers with Rush Limbaugh’s face on them and once your baby craps in it, the diaper connects via available wi-fi to Limbaugh’s radio show and doesn’t turn off until you remove the shit from your kid and from your house. This will be our biggest seller! People will love them! They will be so popular that we will release a limited edition onesie on Rush’s birthday and it will say “Shit = Rush Limbaugh”.

The best part? You can put it on your child and then the two of you can go to a Toby Keith concert or Sarah Palin’s house and not even one of those people will be able to assault your baby because it is a BABY! You can’t beat up a baby you racist, illiterate, morons!

Oh! And the ever better best part? Your baby can wear any of our products, regardless of gender! Awesome!

For even worse ideas about how to dress your child, visit
Baby T-Shirt Hell.

My newest favorite:


A Classic: