Left at the Alter. Sorta. ish.

For those of you who have not heard poor, poor Hugh Hefner was engaged to be married, but his 25-year-old fiancé backed out. Can you conceive of it!

Now I often have conflicted feelings about Mister Hefner, but I think we can all agree that he belongs on that list of iconic, once larger-than-life celebrities who should have done the decent thing and died of a drug overdose decades ago when they could have gone out with a little credibility and some of their cool. You secretly know of this list, you think about it every time you see Ringo Starr. It also has on it Mick Jagger, Ozzy Osborne, Elton John, Bob Dylan (yes folks, Bob Dylan), Ice Tea, Snoop Dogg and Steven Tyler, among others.*

Anyway, below is a poem I wrote for Mister Hefner. Please everyone send your thoughts and prayers his way during this dark time, I’m sure he is just heartbroken.




*A notable exception to this list – and one of the only people to truly transcend it – is Keith Richards. At this point I think we are all so fascinated by the fact he hasn’t died yet that we just want to see how far he can go with this whole somehow-still-being-alive thing. Remember that time a couple years ago when he fell out of a palm tree or something and the entire world went, “Keith Richards, you’re 150 years old, what the hell are you doing climbing palm trees?!” Man, that guy is awesome.

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