So I’m sick.
But not just in the prurient way that you’re thinking right now.
I mean that I’m actually and physically ill. This is no small thing for me to admit. Seldom do I give up a fight that easily. And let me tell you, I fought this one pretty hard. I have felt this phlegmy specter lurking for a while now, yet I refused to concede!
Today however, I just deteriorated into a sick, sneez-y, coughing failure.
So I have given up. I have gotten some meds and had some soup and I see some tea in the near future.
The only reason that any of this is even remotely blog worthy is because I just realized that this is the first time I have been super bad awful sick since I have been single. And let me tell you, it is positively shocking to me that I don’t have anyone who I can force to pretend to care about how awful I feel right now.
I know that sounds all whiney and everything, but please believe that that isn’t the point of this. I’m just thinking out loud right now and I’m realizing that I don’t know if I have ever actually been single and sick all at the same time.
This totally blows!
How the hell do all you people go through life like this? It’s miserable.
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Monday, November 29, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
*** Breaking Roommate News ***
My roommate Fancy Star Fairy (still test driving blog names for her) has started doing a mocking impression of me that basically involves a deep voice that sounds nothing like me.
Also, she made a big deal about how Mark Walberg totally gets it on with Amy Adams in some new movie and she watched the trailer 14 times because she knows that:
1) I adore Amy Adams, and
2) I detest Mark Walberg
Also, she just put my glass of wine on the top of a bookshelf that I am barely tall enough to get it down from.
I’m not complaining or anything, I guess.
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Also, she made a big deal about how Mark Walberg totally gets it on with Amy Adams in some new movie and she watched the trailer 14 times because she knows that:
1) I adore Amy Adams, and
2) I detest Mark Walberg
Also, she just put my glass of wine on the top of a bookshelf that I am barely tall enough to get it down from.
I’m not complaining or anything, I guess.
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Monday, November 22, 2010
Some 100% True-ish Facts.
All of these things are either 100% true, or less than 100% true.
1. When Sputnik was launched in 1957 it contained a single vial of Joseph Stalin’s semen. It is still circling the Earth, Sputnik and the semen.
2. While filming the film “Accepted”, Justin Long and Blake Lively had a tryst that is the basis for the screenplay “Gossip Boy” currently being shopped by Jonah Hill.
3. General Douglas MacArthur practiced yoga.
4. The modern necktie derives from neckerchiefs worn by Croatian mercenaries.
5. Robert F. Kennedy spoke German very, very poorly. His German friends made fun of him behind his back, and then felt bad about it later.
6. The baseball card of Moe Berg is displayed at the CIA headquarters in Langley Virginia because in addition to being a major league shortstop in the 1930s, he also spoke ten languages and spied for the OSS.
7. Fans and advocates of the textile pattern Hounds Tooth generally and vehemently deny that it is derived from Glen Urquhart plaid.
8. I once accidently bumped elbows with Amanda Bynes at the Arclight in Hollywood.
9. Until the age of 14 author Sir Terry Pratchett was raised as a girl.
10. There has never actually been 400,000 of anything. There has been more and there has been less, but there has never been exactly 400,000 of anything (I learned this at the secret bi-monthly meeting of bad-ass accountants, a members only club).
11. At the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles, racist epithets are shouted at you (via recording) as you walk through the entryway. This is actually a prank and not officially part of the museum experience.
12. Standard Memory Foam absorbs particles of your dreams.
13. 40% of the porn viewed online every day is accessed by women.
14. Steve Jobs once met Osama bin Laden in Dubai.
15. Conan O’Brien was once stalked by a priest from the Archdiocese of Boston.
16. American author and Pulitzer Prize winner Don DeLillo occasionally writes commercials for Chivas 18. He refuses to be credited for this.
17. Director Steven Soderbergh is a practicing Episcopalian.
18. SCUBA is an acronym that stands for Submillimetre Common-User Bolometer Array.
19. As a teenager, Harrison Ford dated his best friend’s sister.
20. Three different men have been married to Whoopi Goldberg.
21. William Shakespeare invented the word ‘submerge’.
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1. When Sputnik was launched in 1957 it contained a single vial of Joseph Stalin’s semen. It is still circling the Earth, Sputnik and the semen.
2. While filming the film “Accepted”, Justin Long and Blake Lively had a tryst that is the basis for the screenplay “Gossip Boy” currently being shopped by Jonah Hill.
3. General Douglas MacArthur practiced yoga.
4. The modern necktie derives from neckerchiefs worn by Croatian mercenaries.
5. Robert F. Kennedy spoke German very, very poorly. His German friends made fun of him behind his back, and then felt bad about it later.
6. The baseball card of Moe Berg is displayed at the CIA headquarters in Langley Virginia because in addition to being a major league shortstop in the 1930s, he also spoke ten languages and spied for the OSS.
7. Fans and advocates of the textile pattern Hounds Tooth generally and vehemently deny that it is derived from Glen Urquhart plaid.
8. I once accidently bumped elbows with Amanda Bynes at the Arclight in Hollywood.
9. Until the age of 14 author Sir Terry Pratchett was raised as a girl.
10. There has never actually been 400,000 of anything. There has been more and there has been less, but there has never been exactly 400,000 of anything (I learned this at the secret bi-monthly meeting of bad-ass accountants, a members only club).
11. At the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles, racist epithets are shouted at you (via recording) as you walk through the entryway. This is actually a prank and not officially part of the museum experience.
12. Standard Memory Foam absorbs particles of your dreams.
13. 40% of the porn viewed online every day is accessed by women.
14. Steve Jobs once met Osama bin Laden in Dubai.
15. Conan O’Brien was once stalked by a priest from the Archdiocese of Boston.
16. American author and Pulitzer Prize winner Don DeLillo occasionally writes commercials for Chivas 18. He refuses to be credited for this.
17. Director Steven Soderbergh is a practicing Episcopalian.
18. SCUBA is an acronym that stands for Submillimetre Common-User Bolometer Array.
19. As a teenager, Harrison Ford dated his best friend’s sister.
20. Three different men have been married to Whoopi Goldberg.
21. William Shakespeare invented the word ‘submerge’.
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Monday, November 15, 2010
Oddly Enough: Even Odder Than Normal.
One of my favorite places to troll of the Internet is the Oddly Enough section of Reuters. Normally I post links to a couple of stories, but today the good folks over at Reuters have totally outdone themselves! I have never seen a collection of stories this awesome and random. SO here is the link to the whole page.
Headlines include:
Vending machine recommends drinks to buyers
Exorcists wanted: apply to Catholic Church
Amazon pulls book on pedophilia after complaints
So fetch.
Headlines include:
Vending machine recommends drinks to buyers
Exorcists wanted: apply to Catholic Church
Amazon pulls book on pedophilia after complaints
So fetch.
NaNoWriMo: Notes.
So I have been doing this NaNoWriMo thing (the goal of which is to write a 50,000 word novel in a month). I am failing at it pretty miserably because I just haven’t been able to write every single day, but I keep plugging away at it.
Below is a snippet that I wrote the other day. One of the characters is a bit self-destructive, but he has rationalized it into a philosophy rather than dealing with it. He is a fun character to write and so sometimes he gets to speak in first person.
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Below is a snippet that I wrote the other day. One of the characters is a bit self-destructive, but he has rationalized it into a philosophy rather than dealing with it. He is a fun character to write and so sometimes he gets to speak in first person.
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NaNoWriMo: A Brief Excerpt.
8. Inherent
The thing that you gotta know is that I don’t go looking for trouble.
Although, that’s not true. I totally go looking for it. This nose has been broken more than once. I don’t particularly like the violence-y parts of trouble, but they seem to come with the territory. I feel about them the way that Lewis and Clark must have felt about trees.
It just seems to me that life doesn’t quite sizzle right unless something is a little bit off.
You need to remember that everything that makes the world go is inherently dangerous. Cooking – with its heat and knives and meat – is always an inherently violent act. The electricity that powers your coffee pot is also some of the most dangerous rage that the entire universe has to offer. Given the chance, your cats will eat you when you die.
The world we live in and the lives we lead exist on the very fringe of chaos all the time. We do everything that we possibly can do to conceal and control it, we invents gods and religions and rules and laws and street signs. We require you to wear your seatbelt, and while that may save you from the giant, crunching, glass-spattering, calamitous chaos when it comes; it doesn’t stop the chaos from coming. So I just make due without the seatbelt.
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The thing that you gotta know is that I don’t go looking for trouble.
Although, that’s not true. I totally go looking for it. This nose has been broken more than once. I don’t particularly like the violence-y parts of trouble, but they seem to come with the territory. I feel about them the way that Lewis and Clark must have felt about trees.
It just seems to me that life doesn’t quite sizzle right unless something is a little bit off.
You need to remember that everything that makes the world go is inherently dangerous. Cooking – with its heat and knives and meat – is always an inherently violent act. The electricity that powers your coffee pot is also some of the most dangerous rage that the entire universe has to offer. Given the chance, your cats will eat you when you die.
The world we live in and the lives we lead exist on the very fringe of chaos all the time. We do everything that we possibly can do to conceal and control it, we invents gods and religions and rules and laws and street signs. We require you to wear your seatbelt, and while that may save you from the giant, crunching, glass-spattering, calamitous chaos when it comes; it doesn’t stop the chaos from coming. So I just make due without the seatbelt.
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