Why I Can Never Get a Second Date.

Why I Can Never Get a Second Date

by james bezerra

I’ll ask you to close your eyes

and I’ll sweetly kiss you on the nose,

while I quietly remove my clothes.

and then you’re in for a surprise!

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Missed Connections.

Below I have posted for you a link to an interesting article that seems initially funny and then suddenly becomes less so.

I’m posting it for the funny part.

You have, I’m sure, seen those commercials for Christian dating sites. Well it would appear that those very sites have gotten themselves in some hot water with their own far right constituencies for implying that they know God’s matchmaking plans! You might ask, "How do they imply this?" Well, by saying things like, “Find God’s match for you!”

The irony, of course, is that this is just feckless infighting amongst the hard-core Jesus People and the SUPER hard-core Jesus people. It’s like arguing about the blueness of shades of blue. Just let the poor, lonely Jesus People find love! For Christ’s sake!

I am not always a fan of the Jesus People, but I am always a fan of love (I’m kind of a girl).

Anywhoo, here’s the link: Let Jesus be your Yenta!

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A Fairly Relevant Misunderstanding.

A Fairly Relevant Misunderstanding
by james bezerra

I thought it was great
when that dating site
found me a mate;
So forgive me for being rude
when it came to light
that my perfect mate was also a dude!

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Paranoid Dating Zoo.

I’m sure that I’m just being paranoid, but on my Pandora (which I listen to every single day at work) ads have started appearing for this zoosk.com dating website. It’s a pretty generic ad that mostly consists of pictures of women and the ad says, “Find a Date on Zoosk”. So it’s a pretty normal ad, right? Well I have noticed that over the last week or so the women in the pictures have been changing and it seems like they are becoming more and more attractive. Well, perhaps “attractive” isn’t the right word. Let’s say that they have been becoming more and more “my type”.

Is it possible that somehow the ad is dialing in my tastes based on the music I’m listening too? That would be crazy, right? But is it?

I mean how hard would it be to look at a person’s music tastes and start to triangulate their other tastes? Not that hard, me thinks. And anyway, isn’t that what marketing is all about in the first place?

Like I said, I’m probably just being paranoid, right? Because otherwise that would be a little crazy. Right?

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Kimmy.

Kimmy
by james bezerra

When you choose to date
any sort of primate
you should anticipate
that your mother might have an issue.

See, my mother had hopes for me
that didn’t involve a chimpanzee.
Though – I’ll admit – I now see
that it was rude not to warn her
before we showed up for dinner.

But it was unacceptable
that my mother only offered a bowl
on the kitchen floor for
Kimmy to eat her dinner!

“She is not my pet!”
I spit,
“She is my date!”
Then my mother got irate,
“No child of mine will date a primate!”

Needless to say,
my mother will not be attending the wedding day.

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Niche Dating.

So I don’t go out to bars that much and, although I live on the outskirts of Los Angeles, I am pitifully uninformed when it comes to strange and fetishistic goings on in the world of niche dating.

However my roommate Clementine (still test-driving blog names for her) has informed me that apparently there exists in the world a little subset of Catholic girls who chase and lust after would-be priests.

That’s right, there are seminary-student groupies.

That seems odd, right?

Odd, but also kind of loyal and almost pious somehow?

It reeks of some sort of daddy-complex if you ask me, but I think that this phenomenon, while bizarre, will make for a pretty good porn film one day (if it hasn’t already).


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