Never Wrestle with a Pig: Why My Mom is Smarter than the Entire Democratic Congressional Caucus.

I was just reading an article about the finer points of the Debt Ceiling deal that was passed earlier this week (you should take a few minutes and read up on it, it is hilarious because it is so stupid) and I remembered a funny thing. Most of my life growing up my mother had (and I believe still has) a set of framed cartoons that usually hung in the laundry room of whatever house we were living in. One of them is a pig and some other farm animal (sadly I can’t remember what kind) and they are both covered in mud and the pig is smiling. The caption says, “Never wrestle with a pig because you both end up covered in mud, but the pig likes it.”

I wish someone would hang this cartoon up in the Democratic Cloak Room on Capitol Hill because that is exactly what happened with this whole Debt Ceiling fiasco. Republican obstructionism, fueled by (what I like to call) the Tea-Party-Willful-Misunderstanding-of-All-Reality, was allowed to create a situation where they got exactly what they wanted because of their willingness to act like complete assholes.

Instead of engaging in an actual negotiation, the Democrats said, “Wait … you don’t want to do exactly what we want? Oh no! Let us find some way to make you happy!” I swear to god it’s like Harry Reid and the others have some middle-child complex that causes them to try to please everybody (it’s ironic that I say this because I am a middle child and have one of these). So instead of negotiating, all we did was try to get the very obstructionists who created the crisis to get on board with us and in the process we gave up on the very concept of getting a fair deal. It’s like they sank the ship and when we tried to rescue them they said that they didn’t like our lifeboat, so we gave them the life boat and asked them to rescue us. (Well, it’s not exactly like that, but this is my blog so I can use less than completely accurate analogies if I want!)

Anyway, at least we can all sleep soundly knowing that come the next election cycle the fanatic Tea Party radicals out there are going to eat the current Republicans alive anyway. I cannot wait to see someone like Tom Coburn (R – Oklahoma, and my person arch nemesis) get the crap kicked out of him by a Tea Party nut job who is even more of an asshole than he is.

But back to the point: Never wrestle with a pig …

.
.
.

Saved! Actual Disaster Averted as Manufactured Crisis is Resolved to the Satisfaction of No One.

Saved! Actual Disaster Averted as Manufactured Crisis is Resolved to the Satisfaction of No One
by james bezerra



Is it cynical of me to say
that when we elect a giant mess
of dogmatic Christians into Congress
that all things are bound to happen this way?
I mean, any psychologist will say
that when someone manufactures a crisis this way,
just so he can create the fix,
it is called a ‘Savior Complex’.

.
.
.

My Band’s Next Album.

If you have read this blog before, then you probably already know that I am in a completely fake band. We are awesome. Kind of a mix of At the Drive In and John Tesh. Or that’s what we would sound like anyway except that most of us can’t actually play any instruments.

I keep a running list though of the titles of the songs that we will never write. Here is our next album that will never happen. Critics are already saying that it will be even more nonexistent than our last album!

Nefarious Raccoon

Just Say “Bundle of Sticks” Next Time

Wounded to Perfection

I Knocked Up a Ghost

This Tastes Like Markers

I Don’t Know Anything about That Bank Robbery

Cheney Sex Tape

I Just Want to Make More Money So I Can Eat More Sushi

It is the future now

Every Decision You Make Is Terrible

Fiesta, Over!

Sorry Your Mom is a Death Eater

Don’t Gerrymander My Heart

Kardashianism

Your Interest in Zombies Annoys Me

We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Bumper Sticker

“Felonious” is Too Funny of a Word for Its Definition

The Pope Would Like a Toucan

I Will Raise Your Debt Ceiling, Baby


.
.
.

I Need a New TV!

I Need a New TV!
by james bezerra

I have been feeling
the need to buy a giant TV,
so if Congress would raise my debt ceiling
it would mean a lot to me!



.
.
.

Republicans' No-Tax Purity Problem.

In case you haven’t been keeping up on this whole “raising the debt ceiling” thing, here is a CNN article that I think does a decent job explaining the issue, but a very good job of explaining why the hell the Republicans are behaving like ill-tempered children: Republicans' no-tax purity problem.

.
.
.