The HR Manager
by james bezerra
As the manager of HR for The Company
the duty has fallen to me
to talk to you about all the pornography.
Whatever you do on your own time,
well I and The Company think that’s fine.
However the pictures in your cubicle
are simply unacceptable.
Additionally, you cannot talk dirty
even to your own Siri.
It does not make
any difference if you’re on a break.
But your most egregious offense
was the refusal to wear pants.
In all my years of HR management
I don’t think I have ever met
anyone who so blatantly
violates The Company policy.
So I am warning you,
this behavior must not continue
or the company will be forced to …
Wait, what did you just say?!
No I am not gay, and you need to put your … thing away!
This is entirely inappropriate!
Put your clothes back on before
I have security drag you out the door!
No! You cannot pee in that potted fern!
Well it appears you’ll never learn,
so I’m sorry, but you’re terminated immediately!
Now stop trying to hug me.
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