Dear The Internet,
I am currently involved in a game of guess-who-is-texting me. A number not in my contacts is texting me and seems to know a lot about me. Since you probably don’t know them either, feel free to mystery-text them yourself! No one will ever know and I will never tell! This is a consequence-free situation for you! Let your lesser angles win for once! If you can’t think of any suitably harassing thing to say, just tell them that Jamie says hi.
818-652-1614
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