Trapped in a Chilean Mine.

Now that everyone is safely out of that Chilean mine, we can go ahead and start making jokes about it.

How many Chilean Miners does it take to screw in a light bulb . . .?

I don’t actually have a punch line for that yet.

Or, how many Chilean Miners can you fit in a Volkswagen?

Yeah, don’t have a punch line for that yet either.

What I do have are the lyrics to Chapter 1 of R. Kelly’s magnum opus “Trapped in The Closet” with all 'closet' references changed to 'Chilean mine' references.

It doesn’t quite work, not yet anyway, but I will keep tinkering.


Trapped in [a Chilean Mine]

(CHAPTER 1)


Seven o’clock in the morning
And the rays from the sun wakes me
I’m stretchin’ and yawnin’
In a bed that don’t belong to me
And a voice yells, “Good morning, darlin”, from the bathroom
Then she comes out and kisses me
And to my surprise, she ain’t you

Now I’ve got this dumb look on my face
Like, what have I done?
How could I be so stupid to be have laid here til the morning sun?
Must have Lost the track of time
Oh, what was on my mind?
From the club, went to her home
Didn’t plan to stay that long

Here I am, quickly tryin’ to put on my clothes
Searching for my car keys
Tryin’ to get on up out the door
Then she streched her hands in front of it
Said, “You can’t go this way”
Looked at her, like she was crazy
Said, “Woman move out my way”
Said, “I got a wife at home”
She said, “Please don’t go out there”
“Lady, I’ve got to get home”
She said, her husband was comin’ up the stairs

“Shh, shh, quiet
Hurry up and get in the [Chilean Mine]”
She said, “Don’t you make a sound
Or some shit is going down”
I said, “Why don’t I just go out the window?”
“Yes, except for one thing, we on the 5th floor [below Chile]”
“Shit think, shit think, shit quick, put me in the [Chilean Mine]”
And now I’m in this darkest [Chilean Mine], tryin’ to figure out
Just how I’m gonna get my crazy ass up out this [Chilean Mine]

Then he walks in and yells, “I’m home”
She says, “Honey, I’m in the [area above the Chilean Mine]”
He walks in there with a smile on his face
Sayin’, “Honey, I’ve been missin’ you”
She hops all over him
And says, “I’ve cooked and ran your bath water”
I’m tellin’ you now, this girl’s so good that she deserves an Oscar

throws her in the bed
And start to snatchin’ her clothes off
I’m in the [Chilean Mine], like man, what the fuck is going on?
You’re not gonna believe it
But things get deeper as the story goes on
Next thing you know, a call comes through on my cell phone
I tried my best to quickly put it on vibrate
But from the way he act, I could tell it was too late
He hopped up and said, “There’s a mystery going on [in this Chilean Mine]
And I’m gonna solve it”
And I’m like, “God please, don’t let this man open this [Chilean Mine] ”

He walks in the bathroom
And looks behind the door
She says, “Baby, come back to bed”
He says, “Bitch say no more”
He pulls back the shower curtain
While she’s biting her nails
Then he walks back to [area above the Chilean Mine]
Right now, I’m sweating like hell
Checks under the bed
Then under the dresser
He looks at the [Chilean Mine]
I pull out my [pick ax]
He walks up to the [Chilean Mine]
He goes up to the [Chilean Mine]
Now he’s at the [Chilean Mine]
Damn he’s opening the [Chilean Mine] . . .



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