Girl Raised by Wolves! Er ... well, dogs.

I didn’t think things like this actually happened, but here you go!



This little girl was apparently abandoned in a condemned apartment by her mother and the girl was basically raised by a bunch of dogs. So barks and bites and jumps just like a dog and she also walks around on all fours.

Apparently the dogs really did take her in and care for her and feed her and keep her warm.

Here is a story about it.

But the weirdest part is that if you type “Raised by ...” into google, you get some truly strange options.

Oh, and apparently this whole raised by animals things happens all the time in Russia because I found like three other stories about it. This is totally why we won the Cold War, right?
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Volt YOU!

So Chevy has 18 cars that get 30 miles per gallon or more, but of those 18, 12 are either Pontiacs or Saturns and they are getting rid of Pontiac and they are about to get rid of Saturn. Does that make a whole lot of sense?

I know that they think this Volt car is going to save their asses, but, um … that’s kinda like putting all of your eggs in one basket. I mean, isn’t it exactly like putting all of your eggs in one basket. Or in this case, one plug-in-car!



Man, I could run a fricken’ car company better than these people.
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New (VERY) Short Story

Here is a very short story that I wrote today on my lunch break. I think it is fun and fluffy!




ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS
By James Bezerra

If all the world really is a stage then my prop master is totally going to lose his job because I can never find my keys.

This time they are in the fish tank. I grab them and shake off the water as I dash DownStageLeft and my apartment slides off on casters. Stagehands all in black push my car across to StageRight as the scenery goes flying by.

The library is lowered in on thick steel cables as I hop out of the car, which the stagehands drag off. I rush up the steps of the library; they look like granite but they are really just knotty wood wrapped in muslin.

As I fling open the doors, the library swivels around so you can see the interior: rows of books and a center aisle that widens toward DownStage so as to create a more pleasant sightline and to imply size and grandeur.

I dash into one of the rows. You can’t see me anymore but you can see the books that I am hurling out into the aisle. I’m looking for one book. Just one book. One play. This play. My play. The play that you are watching right now. Why is it so hard to find just one specific thing in a library?

You see more of the books that I am hurling.

I need to know how this ends, because if there is a gun in the first act, then it has to go off in the last one and while there was no gun, there was a misplaced newspaper. The prop master left out tomorrow’s paper for me during the first act and I started reading it while I was drinking my coffee and having a bagel and then whatallthefuckalltohell! there was a blurb about my tragic death and I nearly choked right then on my bagel.

“Killed by a meteorite!” I exclaimed and then started looking for my keys.
I find the book! The play! This play! I step back out into the aisle and over the pile of books and DownStage toward the footlights and I read out loud . . .

“JAMAL (Moves DS and reads out loud): Suddenly there is a rumbling …”

But then suddenly there is a rumbling. Then the lights go all bright orange and as I look up toward the balconies, I can see it there, out over the audience, descending fast toward me on a cable, like the chandelier in Phantom of the Opera: a giant Styrofoam and paper mache meteorite! Barreling down toward me at galactic speed!

I don’t even have time to leap out of the way. I only have time to look down at the play in my hands and I see that it says: THE END.
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You Know WHO.

In the past month or so, we have been hearing a lot about the Swine Flu, and because of that we have been hearing a lot about the World Health Organization (WHO).

Well, I love reading headlines about the WHO because I start to think about the band the Who. So when the newspaper is all, “The WHO treats Swine Flu in Venezuela”, in my head it is all “The Who treats Swine Flu in Venezuela”.

So I get to watch this little music video in my head Peter Townshend and Roger Daltrey rushing around the world, inoculating children and cleaning their drinking water and al the kids are like, “Are you The Beatles?”

Anyway, that’s why I’m smiling when I read about pandemics.
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I Can't Enjoy Trees Without My Glock

So this is Senator Tom Coburn M.D.. This is the really-really-really dumb person who added the amendment to today’s credit card legislation that makes it okay for people to carry concealed weapons around in our national parks.

So wait.

Just wait.

When people start getting killed by hand guns at Yosemite, this is the man that you should write your letter to. His is the office to which the parents of dead children should go in order to ask why people were allowed to carry loaded, hidden guns around Yellowstone.

Why did we need this?

What could possibly have been the point of something so unforgivably stupid as this amendment?

Is this how the gun lobby and the NRA think that they should be having this fight? Is it because they can’t get a law repealed using sense orlogic or reason? That they have to have senseless assholes like Senator Coburn do this sort of thing?

When will we – as a nation – get over this irrational love of guns?

I’m not trying to repeal the Second Amendment or anything, but come the fuck on! Why do we need to carry a desert eagle around in a national park?

You know what makes me proud? I like that our President actually does think that these people “cling to their guns and religion”, I wish that that Obama was our President. But for now, I am proud of the fact that we have a guy in office who does believe that, even if he won’t ever say it out loud again.

And as for Senator Coburn, I believe that there is a special place in hell for people like him. I wish I could see the look on his face when his ass ends up there.

Here is an article about the whole thing.

Here is the letter that I just sent to his office:

Dear Senator,

I have never written a letter like this before, but after today I am simply compelled to.

Respectfully Sir, I think that you should be ashamed of yourself for the amendment that you attached today. It was opportunistic and it represented Washington politics at the absolute worst. It was a credit card bill designed to help people and you used it to advance your own personal political agenda.

I think it was disgraceful.

Respectfully,
James Bezerra

Notice I toned down my language. I think it means more that way, not that he will ever read it.

Here is the link to send an email to Senate Office.

I just can't get my head around what an awful thing this man did.
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Cancer Boy on the Lamb!

Holy shit! Those crazy religious people with the cancer kid, they went on the run!

Who could have seen this getting more ridiculous?

Apparently the mother and son ran off because the court ordered him to undergo chemo.

On CNN they were saying that the mother had told reporters that they were going to “starve” the cancer, but its okay, because she was still letting her son have vitamin water.

WTF?

Oh, and did I mention that the kid has a learning disability and can’t read? Yeah, that’s some good home-schooling.

The craziest part? These people aren’t crazy Mormons or Pentecostals. No!

They consider themselves to be Catholics, but with bunch of random American Indian stuff thrown in. The group they are affiliated with is called
The Nemenhah Band.

I bet the Pope totally loves the hell out of this whole Catholic/Indian thing, because the church has always been cool with people having their own ideas about religion.

And anyway, here is the story. if you want, like, facts and stuff.
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Lambert the Sheepish Lion

So you know how sometimes a big chunk of memory detaches itself from the sky and lands right on your head?

Well that just happened to me! I got hit by a big hunk of Lambert the Sheepish Lion. I loved this cartoon when I was a kid.

God bless the YouTube.



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