Terrorist Watchlist.

If I am just behind the times, it is okay to tell me, but how has no socially conscious rapper yet figured out that “terrorist” and “watchlist” rhyme in a really great way??? The PUBLISHED POET in me is tempted to write something socially conscious just so that I can cram that in there.

And not for nothing, much like “cellar door”, the term “terrorist watchlist” is actually pretty great, just in that it is very pleasurable for both the mouth and the ear.

Try saying it out loud, you’ll enjoy it after you say it enough times to deprive it of its context and meaning.

Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.

Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.

Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.

Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.

Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.
Terrorist watchlist.

Terrorist watchlist.

See how much fun that is to say?!

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Take that terrorists!

This is no joke, did you hear the thing about how in one of his letters, Osama bin Laden suggested the assassination of President Obama not simply because it would have been a spectacular act of terrorism, but partly because he considered Joe Biden so “utterly unprepared” that his ascension to the Presidency would “lead the U.S. into crisis”?

Man, talk about getting burned from beyond the grave! I like Biden the way everybody else does, he is kind of like that crazy uncle who lived in our garage for that one whole glorious summer and bought us bottle rockets and let us shoot them off in the garage!

In fact, I think that over the summer the President should go out of the country for a weekend and let Biden be “Acting President” and then we will all get free beer and fireworks! Take that terrorists!

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Retractions, Apologies and Best Wishes.

I would like to say that my thoughts and best wishes are with the people of Norway, especially since their otherwise peaceful society really wasn’t prepared for the kind of awfulness that was unleashed on it last week. I would also like to offer my apologies for making fun of Norway on Facebook when I initially heard about the explosions, though in my defense, that was before we knew that anyone had been killed. Additionally, I would like to retract the jokes I made about how that’s what Norway gets for invading Denmark at the end of Hamlet, as that was not only not funny, given the circumstances, but also – apparently – made me look like a pretentious douche. Furthermore, I would like to apologize for mistakenly identifying the country of Finland on a map when one of my coworkers asked where Norway is. And while we are on the topic, I would like to apologize to my Norwegian coworker Svensen for berating him when he politely tried to correct me as to the location of his homeland; Svensen I am very sorry for the things that I said to you about Norwegian men’s well-known lack of sexual prowess and about your mother’s well-known lack of sexual morals. Obviously I was making those things up because I was embarrassed.

So anywhoo, sorry everybody. I will try to keep it together a little better next time.


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