Space Travel!

Space Travel!
by james bezerra

MISSION CONTROL:
Oh no!
Your spacecraft’s telemetry
is wobbling dangerously!
Fire your retrorockets quickly
if you want to stabilize your reentry,
otherwise we might have a tragedy!

SPACECRAFT:
Hey Mission Control
We’re gonna have to go
to manual control
because our spacecraft has gone into a roll.

MISSION CONTROL:
Oh No!
You’ve gone into a roll?
Did you experience a failure
of your gyroscopic computer?

SPACECRAFT:
That’s affirmative.
So tell your engineers
that if we live
I’m going to kick their rears.

MISSION CONTROL:
Oh they have ears
and they can hear.
That’s a punishment they’ll surely fear.

THE ENGINEERS:
You know, it’s more likely
that the problem is user error
than a catastrophic computer failure.

SPACECRAFT:
You know, I don’t wanta hear it.
I’m busy trying to avoid a giant comet.

MISSION CONTROL:
A giant comet?!
Our recent scan
showed no comet in your flight plan.

SPACECRAFT:
We had to go to Plan B.
So after this comet is averted
we will have to ditch in the sea.

MISSION CONTROL:
Rescue teams have been alerted,
however we still fear
you’ll burn up in the atmosphere.

SPACECRAFT:
That’s a negative.
We will totally live
because the atmosphere
is quite thin here.

THE ENGINEERS:
Um ... yeah, it’s probably likely
you made a wrong turn at that last galaxy
and you’re about to land on the wrong planet.

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No More Space Shuttle!?

No More Space Shuttle!?
by james bezerra

Who can I get angry at?
Now we have to use
a Russian Soyuz?
What kinda crap is that?

Our glorious space shuttle
was graceful and beautiful!
Like a soaring eagle!
The Soyuz looks like a deflated turtle!

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What We're Getting High On.

About a year ago the editors here at Standardkink were happy to offer up a story and a link about how a baggy of cocaine was found in one of NASA’s shuttle hangers.

Well, it happened AGAIN!

Feed your addiction to stories about NASA & cocaine here.

Somebody over there has a problem. A galactic-sized problem.


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Not Lost in Space Even a Little.

So this is a bit of a non-sequitur, but I just realized that I will never wake up and not know what planet I’m on. One day in the future, when faster-than-light speed has been perfected or when they get Star Trek style transporters up and running, it will be possible and easy to hop back and forth from one world to the next. Likely even, a good bachelor party cut a swath across entire solar systems, but I will not be a part of that. And neither will you dear reader. And I am sad for us both.

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