Showing posts with label physics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label physics. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Rules for Marbles.



Rules for Marbles
By james bezerra
          
When playing marbles, it is best to know the rules as well as to have a basic understanding of physics. 

When I say “playing marbles”, what I really mean is “when existing in the world” and when I say that what I really mean, of course, is “When attempting to navigate this too-brief lifespan of ours and accomplish all of the things you will ever accomplish all in the blink of cosmic time between when you are birthed and when your body ceases its standard biological functioning; all the wandering, the learning, the falling in love, the working, the moving from one empty place to another, the packing up over and over of all your vinyl records that you keep promising yourself that you will one day buy a player for, the surviving of illnesses, the making of soup for yourself those times when you have the flu and no one in your life who loves you enough to even heat up canned soup for you, the buying of rugs so large that you have to carry them rolled up over your shoulder like someone carrying a heavy burden or a rescued princess, the having your heart broken again and then mended again and then inevitably broken again, the sitting in a sun beam in a summer park and closing your eyes and seeing that the blackness that usually covers the back of your eyelids has been replaced by a faint but warm yellow, the paying of taxes, the writing of your will, the watching of fireworks from the last hospital window you will ever look out of, it is best to know the rules and to have a basic understanding of physics, or, at the very least, gravity.”

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Saturday, August 23, 2014

ASK AN ASTROPHYSICIST!


The editors here at standardkink are pleased to inaugurate a new occasional Q&A series that we’re calling “ASK AN ASTROPHYSICIST!” Some of the questions we receive here are too complicated for our staff to answer and so he have worked out a first-of-its-kind partnership program with JPL and the California Institute of Technology whereby ACTUAL ASTROPHYSICISTS will answer your questions. We are very excited about this. Please read on.


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Submitted by Frederick Thomas Paper, Dentist
What is the name of that thing called - you know - when electromagnetic radiation moves toward a lower energy state on a longer wavelength?


ASTROPHYSICIST: I believe you’re attempting to describe red shift.


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Submitted by Stober M. Zipfain, Dental Assistant
So how did you guys fake the moon landing?


ASTROPHYSICIST: That actually happened.


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Submitted by Stober M. Zipfain, Dental Assistant
Yeah, sure, but really though?


ASTROPHYSICIST: Look, I didn’t work here then.


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Submitted by William Blake Wilsoncraft, Orthodontist
Did you ever see Capricorn One? I think that’s a pretty accurate guess at how they would fake something like that.


ASTROPHYSICIST: Isn’t that the movie where O.J. Simpson plays an astronaut? I can’t imagine anything about that being accurate.


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Submitted by Helen Glass-Skapskin, Dental Hygienist
What, are you a racist or something? What about Neil deGrasse Tyson?


ASTROPHYSICIST: No, I am not a racist. I just meant that it would take an unreasonable suspension of disbelief to accept O.J. Simpson as an astronaut. I have nothing but respect for Dr. Tyson.


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Submitted by Wade Wayne Wammerson, Dental Technician
Did you ever hear that joke about what do you call a black astronaut?


ASTROPHYSICIST: I’m not going to answer that.


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Submitted by Craig “the Craigbot” Botterman, Dental Therapist
I have not heard that joke, what is the punchline?


ASTROPHYSICIST: Okay, look, I was told that these would be questions related to physics.


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Submitted by Angeline Trethewey, Oral Surgeon
How come all of the characters on Big Bang Theory are white?


ASTROPHYSICIST: I’m pretty sure one of them is Indian and a couple of them are Jewish. Are any of these questions actually going to be about physics? Or any kind of science? Any kind of science would be fine.


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Submitted by Jerome J. Ithica, Periodontist
My question relates to paleontology: which sort of dinosaur did Jesus ride? My mother says it was a Stegosaurus, but I think it had to have been a Brontosaurus. Which of us is correct?


ASTROPHYSICIST: Okay, you guys are just fucking with me now, right?


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Submitted by Hedwin Clarke Naimerk, Dental Lab Technician
Who would win in a fight between one unicorn-sized leprechaun and a hundred leprechaun-sized unicorns?


ASTROPHYSICIST: Yeah, I’m done with this.

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Please don’t forget to follow us here at standardkink so that you won’t miss the next instalment of ASK AN ASTROPHYSICIST!


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Thursday, August 4, 2011

What Quantum Physics is.



What Quantum Physics is
by james bezerra

I like to think that quantum physics is
the study of things which are very, very small.
Like how much hope is actually left,
once all hope is lost.
Is it really none?
Or might there still be some?
Some residual quantity?
So small it can’t be measured,
but which still exists none the less.
The science of things so small
must make physicists quite pessimistic.

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