This is a Completely Serious Question.

This is going to seem incredible inconsequential in comparison to the massive post I just wrote (below), but what the hell human being can possibly consume the amount of spreadable brie that comes in the standard sized container of spreadable brie?!

I love me some brie, but I have never seen one of these little wedge-shaped containers emptied. And I have attended many a dinner-party-turned-all-nighter.

Anyway. I have a bunch of spreadable brie in my fridge if you want some.

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Come to Dinner.

Seriously though, let’s have dinner! I want to have dinner parties! I have black turtlenecks I never get to wear! LA is so diffuse though that even when you meet people and make friends, they often turn out to be from too far away to be close friends. This is why geography is so interesting/important.

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Class.

Class.


by james bezerra



I am taking a class

and I really hope to pass!

It is teaching me

exactly how to be

much more classy!



I’ve learned how to throw a dinner party;

how to choose cheese and wine

and conversationally delight

all the articulate friends of mine.

But sadly I think my friends just might

have to take this class now

because they just don’t appreciate how

difficult it is to properly pair

wine with fish to add some flair!



In class we also practiced

how to talk about Renaissance paintings

and how to sound like the placards affixed

to the wall next to Renaissance paintings!

We also attended a gala event!

To a fancy gallery we went

on the night of a photography opening!

Truthfully,

the art did not amuse me,

not really one bit.

You see, the exhibit

was just photos of me

with placards below which all read: Douche-y.

 
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Or Do You Want to Eat Out?

Or Do You Want to Eat Out?
by james bezerra

Come to my place for dinner!
I’m no chef, just a beginner,
but I’ll make you some raccoon casserole!
I promise it won’t be dull,
because I’ll stuff that main dish
full to the gills with live fish!
And while I cook our entre
make sure the appetizers don’t get away!
They’re beetles of the scarab variety
which I’ve covered in gouda and brie!

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We Need More Cheese Scientists.

I think that we should get some scientists working on developing a cheese that stays melt-y and cheesy longer before it starts getting solid.

Also, they should make bread that does not go stale so quickly.


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