The Quietude.

The thing about singlehood that I was unprepared for were the quiet times. The lonely times. The times that engender a kind of great introspection. These are the moments when you ponder and wonder; these are the times when you think.

I am surprised that more single people don’t go absolutely out of their minds. I – thankfully – am somewhat protected and isolated, because I am a writer and can fill the empty spaces of my brain and time with writing puzzles (at the moment I am trying to figure out who this person named Clairemont is. He has taken up residency inside of my skull and he is written on a sticky 3x5 card on my wall). So I am a little more able than most to suffer through the moments of nearly insufferable quietude.

The point is, I suppose: that I am experiencing lonely moments and I’m not entirely sure how to deal with them. When you are in a relationship your lonely moments become filled with someone else’s life and someone else’s TV shows. So this is proving to be a strange time for me.

For instance, I got home from work today and sat down to watch some headline news and promptly (apparently) fell asleep. Then I phone chatted with a friend and booked tickets for Inception (which will be awesome!) for this Friday. Then I sat in front of the computer and tapped on the keys for a little while and then got tired of that and went and tried on clothes that used to not fit right. At one point I had on a whole 3-piece suit and a silky black tie with just the faintest hint of pink (I looked pretty good, BTW). Then I went with my roommate Sparkle Princess (still test driving blog names for her) and fed someone’s cat. Then came home, ate a little food and then sat on the balcony alone being all introspective.

That is not much of an evening, but I supposed that it is a nominal one. And perhaps I just need to adjust to the nominality of it.

Or maybe not.

I am desperate to live a larger life that that which is nominal, but we will see how that works out,

For now I am happy to have the beginnings of a story spreading across my wall on 3x5 cards. So maybe that will be enough to keep me happy for now (though if a busload of coeds brakes down in front of my apartment, that will be okay too).

TTFN.


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