Trichinosis.

Because I sometimes find myself to be simply hilarious, below is the text of an actual email I recently sent to an actual person:

What?! You can totally eat haunted ham. But then the ghost will just live and grow inside your body. It works the same way as trichinosis.

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Anti-Ham Gods Cause Personal Suffering for Their Followers.

Anti-Ham Gods Cause Personal Suffering for Their Followers

By james bezerra

If by the decree

of your almighty deity,

you are not allowed to eat ham,

well that’s no tragedy

because it means there’s more for me!

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Famous Historical Figures and Ham.

Famous historical figures who I know for a fact were crazy about ham:

Moses

Abraham Lincoln

Søren Kierkegaard

Michael Jackson

Gandhi

Gary Oldman

John Wayne

Napoleon

Greg Brady

The Hamburgler

Thomas Kinkaid

Lewis and Clarke

Martha Washington

Sinatra

The third emperor of the Ming dynasty

Charlemagne

John Hodgeman

Paul Bunyan

Orville Redenbacher

Nancy Drew

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Tasty.

Tasty

By james bezerra

Next time you eat a ham sandwich

you should not wonder which

part of the dear departed piggy

is in your mouth and so tasty!

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