Be More Careful.

Be More Careful
by james bezerra


Sometimes you may be inclined
to try and find
an anonymous sex partner,
but be sure not to use a website
frequented by your mother
because then you just might
end up a real motherfucker.

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How Much Weight to Carry.

First, I want to apologize that so many of these recent posts have concerned backpacking. You probably don’t wake up in the morning and think to yourself, “Gee, I wonder what outdoorsy minutia Jamie will bitch about today” or maybe you do, I don’t pretend to know what goes on in your head.

This stuff just happens to be on my mind today because I have less than a month until my Awesome Super-Fun Grand Canyon Adventure and I still have a lot of preparing to do. I will not bore you with all of the details, but I am trying to figure out how to make the trip with a pretty minimal carry weight (I want a base pack weight closer to ten pounds than fifteen, and a total weight of less than 25 pounds) but still with enough of the things that I will need to be able to enjoy the trip (I am neither an ascetic nor a masochist after all), so things like backpacks and shelters are just on my mind a lot at the moment.

All that being said, I think that I might totally dork out tonight and just spread all of my stuff out on the floor of my bedroom, weigh it all again, stare at all of it and think. This is something that I enjoy doing sometimes and I think that tonight this will be a real winner of an activity. Does it sound ungodly boring? You bet it does! Is all of this backpacking and hiking and jogging and blogging-so-much and writing-a-whole-lot actually just my way of trying to deal with the fact that I am not very good at being single and have been kind of lonely lately? You bet’cha.

But that doesn’t mean that it can’t be fun, right? Or, maybe I am framing this discussion wrong. See, it isn’t that I am lonely and so took up these hobbies, but rather that it never really occurred to me to do any of this stuff before, and – as luck would have it – I like doing these things, and clearly have the time. Do I like them as much as having a partner in my life and reliable access to physical contact and intimacy? Certainly not, but we are all just trying to make our way through the world, you know? And so we do what we need to do to make the days a little better.

I’m realizing right now that this post is sort of starting to sound like a depressing Cure song or something; that really isn’t the intent. I’m just thinking with the keyboard I guess. It’s a form of therapy for me and it allows you some fun internet voyeurism of the sort that doesn’t require you to immediately delete your browsing history (You know what I’m talking about. Yeah you do), so it works for both of us I guess.

Anyway, unless you would like to come over and provide me with some reliable access to physical contact and intimacy, then I think that I will probably just have a nice quiet evening weighing backpacking gear on my little scale and such.

Oh, and just to be clear, I was innocently joking about the physical contact, not propositioning the internet en mass. Unless you’re into that kind of thing, in which case I was totally serious.

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New Hobby: Finding a Hobby.

Okay, so I have been trying to find a hobby.

This search is not going well.

The thing is, I have been writing my whole life and I’m still trying to write as much as I can, but unfortunately, being a writer means spending a lot of time alone. And that’s fine, but I need something to fill the non-work and non-writing parts of the day, of which there are many (I have discovered) when you’re single.

In an effort to figure out what the hell sort of hobby I should take up, I have composed a list of all the many myriad things that I already like:

I like writing.
I like drinking.
I like sex.

That’s it.

That’s my whole list.

This, I think, is part of the problem.

I looked at this list and I was like, “Fucking really? Those are the only god damn things that I like?”

So I started to think about it some more.

Do I like skiing?
I mean, sure, if you want to go skiing, I will go, but I don’t really care. And I don’t have any skis. And I would probably hit a tree and die anyway.

And it has all been like that!

Do I like gardening?
Doesn’t matter, I have nowhere to garden.

Do I like knitting?
Simply, no.

Do I like stamp collecting?
No.

Do I like watching sports?
Not even a little.

Do I want to learn to play the guitar?
Not really.

Do I want to start painting?
Nope, am terrible at it.

Do I want to start playing Farmville?
Oh god, please just shoot me now.

This is generally the point of my hobby search when I stop and get a glass of wine, because that’s something that I know I like.

Now – I feel the need to point out – I’m not complaining right now. I’m happy to have a little extra time in my life. I was very go-go-go-go-go for several years there, so much so that I have had to train myself to relax. It has been working, a little. This is largely due to – this is totally embarrassing and I can’t believe that I’m admitting it – Wii boxing.

Like a year ago my friend Mike the Director left a Wii at my old apartment and I recently discovered that if I come home after work and beat the living shit out of some cartoons for about thirty minutes, it super de-stressed me. Mostly it just gets me out of my head for a little while.

However! I refuse to become a gamer.

I simply will not do it. I feel guilty enough when I just watch a movie (guilty because that’s two hours of my life when I wasn’t DOING something. And I need to be DOING something! Because one day I’m gonna die and then I won’t be able to DO anything.)

So anyway, I think that I have strayed from the point.

The point, I think, was that I need to find a hobby. Suggestions? Anybody? Hey you, guy from South Korea who reads this blog, what do you guys do with your free time over there?

Otherwise, if anybody wants to come over and write, drink, and/or have sex, you know where to find me. That is, until I take up decoupage out of desperation.





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(The legal department here at StandardKink has advised me that I should say that I was “just kidding” about the “drinking” and “sex” bits of that last paragraph, because otherwise it might appear that I was offering booze and services to the wilds of the internet . . . but – you know – whatever.)