Woman crying quietly near giraffe enclosure.
The word “skillet” voted most normal word we feel weird about saying.
Pack of Tarot cards found on subway seat seems to be emitting smell of Nag Champa.
Drunk traveler blames spilled drink on turbulence.
Comic-Con announces actual nerds no longer welcome at Comic-Con.
Man who does not understand how condensation works believes government is seeding the sky with chemicals.
Lobster in tank at local chain grocery store wonders where his life went wrong.
Man attends poker night secretly hoping host’s teenage daughter will be at home.
Freshman engineering students agree “Archimedes’ Screw” would be a good name for a strip club.
Apple releases new product which is expensive.
Stand-up comedian reveals he is a middle child.
Local eight-year-old realizes how weird teeth are.
Atheist Vegan CrossFit-enthusiast wonders why his friends don’t invite him to parties anymore.
High school dropout has more children than anyone else at class reunion.
Tribe of isolated cannibals requests that next team of researchers eat more garlic before arriving.
Smithsonian night janitor touches all the moon rocks.
Scientists discover that pets left behind at Chernobyl are lonely, 60 feet tall.
Grown man working at theme park has some regrets.
BREAKING NEWS: Local Mogwai fed after midnight.
Teenage son currently microwaving dog food swears he isn’t high.
Local woman “just looking for a nice guy” who is tall, handsome, and wealthy.
Recently single woman wonders why her landlord is suddenly so attentive.
Reddit surpasses Yahoo comments section as #1 source for incorrect information.
American Muslims have finally had it with having to act like fucking Gandhi every time the issue of religion comes up.
American Muslims have finally had it with having to act like fucking Gandhi every time the issue of religion comes up.
Sister's new boyfriend explains why homosexuals will go to hell while eating strip of fried pork product.
Special Report: This singles club might actually just be an AA meeting.
Area father always tries to act cool when daughter's cheerleading friends come over.
Nation's loneliest men to attend porn convention.
Updated text of office sexual harassment policies is kind of hot.
BREAKING NEWS: Middle-aged man joins Tinder with unrealistic expectations.
Coworker only asked about your weekend so she could talk about hers.
Man with pet lizard on his shoulder eagerly anticipating questions about lizard on his shoulder.
Local bigot cites his first amendment right to call for the suppression of others' first amendment rights.
Talking dog has some suggestions regarding future homicides.
NASA engineers constantly annoying building’s maintenance staff with condescending advice.
Blood bank employee kind of creeped out by the storage room.
Crime scene cleaner falls in love with owner of local mop store.
BMW dealership announces apprentice program for local fraternities.
White woman on disability extremely annoyed about how many black people are on food stamps.
Passersbys angered by man contentedly watching sunset from the sidewalk.
Gunshot wounds now leading killer of children of gun owners.
Religious Studies major trying really hard not to correct cute Baptist girl at party.
Bulimic teen asks mother to start buying pulp-free orange juice.
BREAKING NEWS: Candidate for political office secretly more concerned with getting elected than with accomplishing anything once elected.
Former Vice President Dick Cheney suns self on rock.
Local fisherman actually just likes spending time away from family.
Mexican restaurant owner unable to think of catchy special for Wednesdays.
Area man can’t sleep after watching documentary about ghosts.
George R. R. Martin to have full-body tattoo of J. R. R. Tolkien removed.
BREAKING NEWS: The only other single person on your Facebook just got engaged.
Study finds amount of time spent worried about quicksand inversely related to age.
Record high rates of girlfriendlessness reported amongst nation’s self-identified "nice guys".
Nation’s women would like to seriously discuss what exactly men think “nice guy” means.
Racist grandmother decides Will Smith is probably okay.
Closer inspection of Facebook invite reveals that Julia invited everyone she knows.
Pair of used roller skates actually haunted by friendly ghost.
White House announces new plan to lure nation into FEMA death camps using candy this time.
.
.
.
No comments:
Post a Comment