African Equids
by james bezerra
"Well hello and welcome!" shouted the man in the tan hat and khaki shorts. He had the practiced joy of someone who spends a lot of time leading school groups of children, which is what he will be doing today. "Is everyone excited to see some animals today?!"
The kids did not say much. Maybe a half-hearted Yay??. They had gotten up very early, before the sun had fully come up, then ridden the bus for over an hour along unfamiliar freeways.
"My name is Mister Andy and today I am going to give you a tour of the ..." He stopped himself. He was tired too. He made less working here then he'd ever expected when he'd gotten his degree. He had expected that he would be doing real and important conservation work, maybe on those vast African savannahs that he'd dreamed about as a boy. Instead though, he'd found himself here. Mostly leading tour groups of disinterested urban school kids. Additionally, he found ridiculous the constraint that had been placed up on all of them. "Today I am going to give you a tour of this establishment which maintains a collection of wild animals ... typically in a park or gardens of some sort, for study, conservation, or display to the public. Who is excited for that?!"
Yay??
He led them down to see the gorillas, because those were always a big hit with the kids, but it was too early and they were asleep. He took them over to the reptile house, but too many of the little girls refused to go inside on account of a quickly-spreading rumor that inside the reptile house the snakes were allowed to slither freely in the shadows.
He led them down to see the gorillas, because those were always a big hit with the kids, but it was too early and they were asleep. He took them over to the reptile house, but too many of the little girls refused to go inside on account of a quickly-spreading rumor that inside the reptile house the snakes were allowed to slither freely in the shadows.
So he took them over to the Africa enclosure. It was big, almost half an acre.
"Mister Andy! Mister Andy! What are those?" A little boy was pointing at into the enclosure.
Andy had been dreading this. "Those," he sighed, "are a type of African equid. Notable for their distinctive black and white markings."
Andy had been dreading this. "Those," he sighed, "are a type of African equid. Notable for their distinctive black and white markings."
"Are they horses?!"
"Well, no." Andy said, "Not technically. They are very similar to horses though."
"Well, no." Andy said, "Not technically. They are very similar to horses though."
"What's an eqid?" A little girl with blond ringlets asked. "Are they called equids?" She looked up at him, in a way that was almost accusatory.
"Well no." Andy sighed again, "No one actually calls them that."
"Tell us what they are called." The little girl demanded.
"Well technically they are of the genus Equus. And of the subgenus Hippotigris. Can you all say 'Hippotigris'?"
"Those are antelope," one of the boys hollered while wiping snot on his sleeve.
"No," Andy protested, "those are not antelope."
"Yes they are."
"No, I assure you, they are not."
"Well then what are they?" The little girl was quite demanding now.
"How would you all like to go see the porcupines?" Andy asked.
"No," the little girl insisted. "Tell us what those are."
"I told you already," snot boy said, "they are antelopes."
"No," Andy said, "No they are not. They are just kind of like horses, okay? You're fourth graders, how much do you really care?"
"Where are they from?" Blond girl asked.
"These are from ..." Andy stopped himself, "these are from the African nation west of Angola and north of Botswana."
"Where is that?" The girl was like a little prosecutor.
"Look kid, just go get a map, okay? Now how about some ice cream. How would you all like some ice cream?"
"We haven't even had lunch yet." the girl said.
"Well I won't tell if you don't, okay?"
Andy led them away toward the cantina as the African equids munched contentedly on the breakfast hay in their feeder..
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