Obviously I am Not a Car.

Obviously I am Not a Car

I wake up with the feeling that I may have murdered someone. This is not uncommon. A former therapist of mine says it is about guilt. I said that I thought being chased was about guilt. He said he wasn’t the kind of therapist who knows much about murders or chases or dreams but that he knows a lot about guilt and so it must be that. When I wake up with the feeling that I may have murdered someone I’m certain it isn’t about guilt. Then I wonder about Tyrannosaurus Rexes and how they most certainly murdered things and did they wake up with this feeling of guilt that I have? Certainly not! But certainly they did dream because I have seen Sebald dream - poor fat lazy dumb Sebald who is so fat he just sits there on his haunches like a dumb fat German boy in lederhosen waiting for me to feed him - and Sebald always kicks his legs and out when he dreams, probably because he is dreaming of being a Tyrannosaurus Rex running down Brontosauruses in the jungle. Obviously Sebald was dreaming because there was never such a thing as Brontosauruses. But back to my former therapist: wasn’t he supposed to fix this feeling? If I were a car and I took myself to a mechanic to fix some annoying mechanical clanking inside me, I would expect him to fix it. I am certain I have not murdered anyone today though because I have only just woken up and wouldn’t have had the time to.

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