Some Modern Proverbs I Am Trying to Get Off the Ground.

Here are some modern proverbs I am trying to get off the ground:




It is better to have a dozen ducks in your living room, than one howler monkey in your bathroom.



Never Google anything you don’t want Google to know you were Googling.



Don’t take a knife to a gun fight. Better to just not go to the gun fight at all.



Sometimes the grass actually is greener on the other side.



There are only two kinds of women, those who want to sleep with me, and lesbians.*



There are only three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.**



No matter how much or how hard you work today, there will always be more work to do tomorrow.



Never trust a man who likes Mad Men too much.



Chess is not a metaphor for life and you’re a douche bag for acting like it is.



Even Han Solo had girl trouble sometimes.


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*This one is not mine, it was said by my friend Mike the Director’s dad.


**I’m pretty sure someone said this to me recently, though I simply cannot remember who or where or when.





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