How to Become Mayor of the Internet!

As you well know dear readers, I was recently rejected from the best of the best MFA Creative Writing programs in the country and now that I only cry about it in the mornings, I am trying to spend some of my time figuring out what I will do with myself once I graduate. One of the things I plan to do is to start using this blog the way that I originally intended, which is to say that I will post more writing on it and even figure out how to write stories specifically for it.

Now don’t worry! I will still post the sort of random and largely irrelevant crap that you come here for.

However, I have also been thinking about how to get more people to read this damn thing. As it is only my Mom reads it (hi Mom!) and that’s cool and all, but I need more people to read it and tell two friends and then those two friends will tell two friends and so forth and so on until I become president of the Internet. Or at least Mayor.

So I have been thinking a lot about what people like to read on blogs and after extensive and exhaustive research and analysis I have concluded that the only things people like to read about on blogs are: politics, tech, and babies (I have also discovered that people most like to look at: porn, cute animals, and porn).

Since I (sadly) do not have any porn or cute animals to offer you, I would like to announce that this blog will, henceforth, be concerned primarily with Walter my new Tea Party Robot Baby!!!



Walter has a built-in iPad, he has profoundly changed my life and my sense of the world and made me really understand love, and he hates Socialism with a fiery passion that borders on pathological self-delusion (though he does not have a clear understanding of what Socialism is exactly and thinks that it means giving public subsidies to pregnant, unmarried, drug-using illegal immigrants).

Sometimes, at night, when I hold Walter in my arms and listen to his 120 GB hard drive gently purr into sleep mode, I softly sing him songs about how much the Founding Fathers loved Jesus and Ronald Regan and guns.

I bet you’re gonna tell your fiends now!

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This cool picture of Walter was respectfully (please don’t sue me) lifted off the Flickr page The Finedon's Secret's which has a bunch of other cool stuff that I don’t entirely understand.