Three things about me you couldn’t possibly know:

Three things about me you couldn’t possibly have known:

I’m getting a blister on my foot.

I had a really good glass of sangria with dinner.

I love subways. They are one of my favorite things.
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Ferrari Snow Day.

Stephen Colbert was just talking about the song “Birthday Sex” and he said that all you need to ensure a hit song is a title that combines two things we already like.

He suggested: Ferrari Snow Day.

I think that that's funny.
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Stuff in Boston, like Giant Freaky Baby Heads.

So Violet and I are in spending a week bumming around New England and today was our only full day in Boston. I love Boston.

We slept through the rain this morning and then got up and went to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum. It is one of those museums that is basically just some dead rich person’s house. I love these kinds of places. It is apparently okay to be a horder as long as you horde Greek statuary.

Anyway, it was a wonderful and beautiful museum. Here is their website:gardnermuseum.org

One of the cool things about the museum is that it was built to look like a Venetian palazzo, so it has this tall and beautiful courtyard in the center. You’re not allowed to take pictures inside the museum, but Violet snuck this one on her camera phone (which she was supposed to have turned off, she's so bad):



One of the other interesting things about it, in 1990 thieves stole several paintings and sketches, including Rembrandt’s The Sea of Galilee. Well they still have the picture frames hanging on the walls, empty. In the spot where four Degas sketches were hanging, the nails are still there, waiting patiently. That's pretty cool.

This is The Sea of Galilee, if you see it, email that website I just posted!
If you show up with it on Antique Roadshow the FBI will be all over you.

The museum is down in an area of Boston called the Fenway, it is kinda pretty - Northeastern University is down there - and we wandered through the Kelleher Rose Garden (there are more kinds or roses in the world than are dreamt of in all of your philosophy) and then we stumbled across the Boston Museum of Fine Arts, and while it might be a world class museum, it has creepy, giant baby heads in front of it! Here is a picture of one:


Freakish, right?

So then we went up to Trinity Church, which is just amazing. It really is something that you should see. A hundred years ago (or so the literature says) it was considered one of the ten most (architecturally) important buildings in America. It was still on the list ten years ago too. It is one of those places where that pictures can’t do justice to. Like this one:


It was too dark inside. Sorry about that. Here is a picture of the outside:


Then we walked around the Boston Public Library, which is a lot like the New York Public Library, but smaller (you could say this about Boston itself too).

Then we went on over to Harvard, it looks like Hogwarts, but with more brick. A lot more brick.

Then over to a fun and fancy part of Boston called the North End, it is the kind of place with a million Italian restaurants and dessert places with lines out onto the sidewalk.

Then back to the hotel (which I got on Hotwire for an outrageously awesome price).

Tomorrow we will ride the train down to Brown to bum around. Pray for good weather.
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William Shatner Reads Palin's Speech.

So you have probably seen this by now, but here is William Shatner reading Sarah Palin's (nonsensical) resignation speech in the style of beat poetry.

It totally makes sense now!

I saw this the other night while I was on a JetBlue flight to Boston. It came on while we were at 36,000 feet up, southwest of Colorado Springs, CO.

(I had to repost the video because YouTube removed it because NBC blows).


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Things Disappearing . . .

Here is an interesting article from Yahoo about things that are disappearing because they are being phased out by, you know, technology.

Disappearing things.

It will totally make you feel old.


Oh yeah . . .

P.S.
I'm not a Star Wars dork or anything, but I am still totally upset about number 81.
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The Kind of Mood I'm In ...

I'm in a Grosse Pointe Blank kind of mood.

I want so say, “I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How have you been?”

Sadly, I do not own this movie.
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BLOW-Y STUFF UP FANCY SUPER AWESOME JETS GO ZOOM! AWESOME!

This post is for my Mom, who asked.

This is the F-22




This is the F-35



They basically do the same thing, they are more stealthy than either of the Stealths and both of them can shoot down other planes (from over the horizon) and blow up things on the ground.

The top one costs about $350 million each.

The bottom one costs about $135 million each (and it is more versatile and adaptable).

The top one was has parts built in 40 different states (so that it would be cancel-proof) while the bottom one does not. The big difference is that the F-22 has always been one of those super fancy military projects and the F-35 has quietly been developed to actually fulfill practical needs.

And why do we need either one? Some people will say we don’t because we are never going to have to dog-fight the Soviet air force, and they are right, but while it is really expensive to have an air force, it is not really that expensive to get a good radar and some missiles. Basically all American military strategy relies on the given that we will be able to establish air superiority, planes like these are how that is done.

And anyway, as far as I'm concerned, the F-35 is way cuter!
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Obama: Enjoys Wearing Pants.

The funniest thing I have read on the internet in just about forever:

". . . marks the first time a sitting U.S. president apologized for not wearing tighter denim . . .”

Here is the article on Yahoo about the President's pants.

Thank god for that man. And for his ability to put up with the fact that he is governing an unruly nation mostly full of idiots.
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Etiquette and the Instant Age.

So this girl I have known since grammar school recently Facebooked me, which is cool, but she has now recommended that I friend my seventh grade teacher Mrs. N.

Now, I loved Mrs. N. and I still do. She was a great and wonderful teacher and she should really be commended for the things that she did and tried to do: she had us sit at tables instead of at desks (to foster a sense of community, I think) and she made us actually read books and she showed us movies like Casablanca, she directed West Side Story (for a lot of the kids I grew up with in the dusty farming country of California, this was the only exposure that they would have to things like old movies or musicals or poetry). So all around, she was just a wonderful teacher and sometime when I was in high school she moved away and I figure that I would never see her or hear from her again.

But now, what with Facebook all connecting people, it would be like three clicks to locate her and be all like, “Remember me? And stuff?”

But then, every time I want to post a Facebook update that’s all, “I fucking hate everyone who has ever existed!” (I don’t. Or rather, I usually don’t), then I will have to be all like, “Hmmmmmm, how will Mrs. N. feel about this?”

Anyway, what is the etiquette?

I think the Facebook/Twitter/instant-feedback world is deeply in need of a new Miss Manners.
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Cover Your Peephole!

Here is a very scary story about a female sports reporter named Erin Andrews who I have never heard of.

The Scary!

Basically someone filmed her in a hotel room through her peephole! You can do that! I’m totally freaked out now!
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Blogger's Guilt.

Oh hello poor, sad, lonely, neglected blog. How I have missed you.

I have been really busy the past couple of weeks, though I can’t really tell you why. I think work has just been burning me out lately, so I get home and just collapse into a lump on the sofa. I have actually been falling asleep lately. I’m so old. It is actually sad.

Anyway, I will try to do better by you poor blog!

Is there a name for what I’m feeling? Blogger’s Guilt? Which is totally different than Blogger’s Remorse, which is when you really regret having posted something (sure, you can take it down, but it was still floating around out there for awhile).

Anyway, I miss you blog. I will return again soon.

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Massachusetts: Legal-Genius-Land

So Massachusetts is suing the federal government over gay marriage. This is the smartest thing I have ever heard! The State of Massachusetts is making the case that the Defense of Marriage Act (which is the federal law that bans same-sex marriage) violates the right of the state to define marriage however it wants.

Since the Constitution says that powers not expressly given to the Federal government fall to the states, I think that this might just work.

I am just so very impressed by you Massachusetts. Good work and good thinking.

So once this is done we will just have to fix this whole thing state by state. I think that can be done. Eventually.

Anyway, here is an article about it from CNN.com.

I can’t wait to see what all the bullshit “small government” Republicans say about this.
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Some Phunny Fobias.

Verbophobia Fear of words.

Venustraphobia Fear of beautiful women.

Theophobia Fear of gods or religion.

Sesquipedalophobia Fear of long words.

Pogonophobia Fear of beards.

Ophthalmophobia Fear of being stared at.

Macrophobia Fear of long waits.

Heliophobia Fear of the sun.

Dendrophobia Fear of trees.

Bibliophobia Fear of books.

Apeirophobia Fear of infinity.

Allodoxaphobia Fear of opinions.

Check out these and more at phobiaguide.com.

Does the "T" in t-shirt stand for AWESOME!

I wish I had the money to blow on these awesome t-shirts.

YOU should go buy one of these awesome t-shirts! Right now!

behance.net
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Heavy Weather.

So I was just watching the national weather report on CNN and the guy indicated the upper Mid-West and said that there is a "slight chance of severe storms" and I thought that was odd for a whole lot of reasons.

First, it is kind of non-comm ital in a bait-and-switch kind of way. It is as if to say, "Well, there won't be any storms, but if there are storms ... shit, you had better get out of the way!"

Also, is there no middle ground with this weather man? It has to be all or nothing? Why not a good chance of light storms? Those nice kind of storms that make you want to sit on the porch with a blanket and a cup of hot cocoa? Well we just can't have that! No! it must be severe storms, or nothing!

Finally, it would just ruin my day if someone was all, "Yeah, there is a slight chance that we are going to have these terrible storms later today," I would end up looking over my shoulder all day, just waiting for them. The sense of dread would ruin my whole day because I would just KNOW that as soon as I stopped lokking for the severe storms, that's when they would pounce and ruin my day.

Man, weather is stressful.
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DRAW! STRING! DRAWSTRING!

Check this shit out!

It is some sort of 3-D line drawing spinning thing! It is really cool!

String Spin.
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Walking Robot Prevents Me From Sleeping.

Freakiest thing ever! Have you guys seen this thing? Boston Dynamics built this nightmare creation machine ... wait ... what? Oh. Apparently this is not a nightmare creation machine, it is some sort of walking robot. Maybe they are planning to replace horses as our primary means of transportation ... wait ... what? Oh. Apparently horses are no longer our primary means of transportation.

Well anyway, they built this thing and it is creeping me out.

The Proliferation of Suck.

That awful Heidi Collins woman on CNN Newroom just described nuclear proliferation as “a very serious topic.”

Really? Really Heidi, is it?

I am so thankful that you get paid a salary to be on television and to school me on such serious topics.

I really need to find something else to watch in the mornings.
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Teenage Vampire Steampunk (Lesbian) Love-Triangle

So I have had that one idea that I will make my fortune off of. The idea is so great that I am not only going to write the book, but also play on the album and write the movie. The idea is this:

Teenage Vampire Steampunk Love-Triangle.

“How awesome is that?” I ask.

“Very,” you answer.

Violet even suggested ramping it up and going with:

Teenage Vampire Steampunk Lesbian Love-Triangle.

And maybe that is even better!

Anyway, this is my idea, you can not have it. Sorry.

Man, I am going to be so rich.
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Wow.

Holy hell! Look at this!

I know that this picture is probably not real, but wow, right?




I found the picture using stumbleupon.com and I wish I could give somebody credit for it, I think it belongs to this website: leprosorium.com
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Virtual Robbery = Real Money.

Okay, so figure this shit out. Some Australian guy who ran the virtual bank for some online role-playing-game stole a bunch of virtual money from said virtual bank and somehow managed to cash it in for real money so he could pay some bills.

I don’t even understand this. And I don’t quite know how to feel about it. Is it funny? Lame? Ingenious?

The article is on BBC’s website, so it is probably not – you know – a made-up lie.

Billions stolen in online robbery.
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Sarah Palin 2012!

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So I know I’m a couple of days behind here, but Sarah Palin resigned as Governor of Alaska, apparently because having that job was interfering with being a celebrity.

She seems to be doing that thing where she thinks she’s being coy but in reality she is just being obnoxious and lame. She is not talking about her plans, but she is spending all day talking around her plans.

Well all I can say is pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease let her be the Republican Presidential nominee in 2012! PLEASE!

Any smart Republican knows that they have no chance of defeating Obama in 2012 (unless he does something really stupid, like eat a child on television) but they can’t just not run anybody. They can’t just throw their arms up in the air and be all, “Well fuck.”

And I find it hard to believe that there are any serious, grown-up Republicans who believe that Sarah Palin is a real candidate or that she even possesses the intellect to do the job.

So …

Since sacrificial lambs are hard to come by, the Republicians should run her in 2012 because it gets her out of their hair and her stunning and complete defeat might exorcize their party of all the Rush Limbaugh/Sarah Palin/Bill O’Reilly crazies.

AND! The best part?

We get to watch the Presidential debates between President Obama and Sarah “What-the-fuck-am-I-talking-about-does-anyone-know?” Palin!

I would pay so much money to get watch that in a movie theater with popcorn.

Let’s all keep our fingers crossed!

Here's an article about Palin's "higher calling".
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Michael Jackson Misses You Too.

So if you are like me, you have been using this long Fourth of July weekend to reflect on the meaning of Michael Jackson.

No, just kidding.

But I actually saw that on a magazine. The cover was all just a giant picture of Michael Jackson and then it said: The Meaning of Michael.

What?

I don’t even know what that means.

I know that he was hugely important to the African-American community, given the status he achieved and the time when he achieved it, and I know he created some barrier breaking music, but come on, is that why he’s on the cover of TIME Magazine? I kinda think that his hugely bizarre and disappointing train-wreck life is why he remained on the radar screen at all.

And I don’t mean to be all raining on anybody’s parade, but I think that this is what our weird TV culture does and it is annoying. The day before he died, Michael Jackson was basically a punch line and the day after he died, he’s a musical genius. That’s the part that bothers me. It isn’t you Michael, it is us, that annoys me.

When I heard that he died, I immediately posted on Facebook that I would like to be the one to start the rumor that he faked his death. Other people were posting about: “We love you Mike, and we will miss you” or “Thank you Michael”. And I was all what the fuck?

Does the fact that he made some good music excuse all the other things that he did?

How does his dying transgress those things? And would we let it if he hadn’t invented moon-walking?

Maybe I just don’t get it.
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