The Impossible Museum.

The Impossible Museum

By James Bezerra

Gallery 1 contains the hat check, the coat check, the weapons check, and the mandatory blood donation center.

Galleries 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 contain variously incorrect maps of the museum.

Gallery 13 contains a complete, fully-functional scale model of the universe.

Gallery 28 contains anti-Semitism.

Gallery 33 Contains Edgar Allen Poe, who sits on a white wooden chair inside of a sound-proof and bullet-proof clear lexan box. He is very much alive and can see you. His situation has never been explained to him.

Gallery 42 Contains a vibrantly alive cancer cell. Surely it is not hubris to exhibit such a thing.

Gallery 68 contains approximately a chest-high quantity of warm, liquid, fresh human blood. Rubber waders are complimentary, but limited in supply.

Gallery 79 contains two cancer cells.

Gallery 87 contains all of your existential fear: the quiet, bottomless disappointments of your life. The stuff of your midnight anxiety. That you have wasted your brief time on the planet. That you have lived your best moments, none of which were even remarkable. That you will die and never be thought of again. That your loved ones find your tiresome. That you will fail at everything.

Gallery 96 contains four cancer cells.

Gallery 121 contains more that thirty-seven million panes of window glass removed from murder scenes.

Gallery 158 contains a conveyor belt delivering an endless supply of Schrodeinger Boxes for visitors to open. Dead cats may be left in the ever-growing pile or retained as souvenirs. Live cats are to be left to scrounge off the pile.

Gallery 186 contains sixteen cancer cells.

Gallery 202 contains the bullet that actually killed JFK.

Gallery 235 contains professional black & white headshots of the people your lovers have thought about while having sex with you.

Gallery 296 contains seventy-three million swatches of carpet removed from rooms where suicides have occurred.

Gallery 331 contains a large, fully-functional scale model of the left ventricle of your mother’s heart.

Gallery 444 contains a sealed cube on a borrowed, plastic green patio table, which contains approximately 4,000 baby panda eyeballs.

Gallery 501 contains 256 cancer cells.

Gallery 505 contains a perfect replica of Edgar Allan Poe’s white chair and nothing else but an oppressive sense of foreboding. This gallery has no exit.

Gallery 616 contains 65,536 cancer cells.

Gallery 738 contains over 300 million individual strands of human hair left behind on the pillows of abandoned lovers.

Gallery 819 contains Yoko Ono.

Gallery 916 contains a 6-inch bench vise, a zinc nail, a hammer, a bullet, and a sloth.

Gallery 1004 contains a green-winged teal duck and a rhesus monkey that has been electro-shock conditioned to want to ride the duck. The monkey has not been trained to ride the duck.

Gallery 1228 contains a single, possibly decaying atom, a vial of sarin gas, and a docent with a Geiger counter who will break open the vial should the atom decay during your visit.

Gallery 2034 is a lightless, soundless, airless, floorless, and wall-less black cube with no apparent entrances, exits, hope, or time.

Gallery 3891 contains 700 speakers playing an endless audio loop of every I-Love-You ever uttered by your current lover to someone else.

Gallery 4000 contains 4,294,967,296 cancer cells.

Gallery 4408 contains a more than adequate amount of burn victim pornography.

Gallery 5562 contains a tall, aging pile of nosebleed tissues of cocaine-addicted former Presidents of the United States, and also Bolivia.

Gallery 6119 contains the souls of masturbation sperm never allowed to grow, age, live, love, exist, thrive, cry, fear, cure, laugh, or die.

Gallery 7288 contains used, faulty mountaineering gear.

Gallery 8138 contains 18,446,744,073,709,551,616 cancer cells.

Gallery 9787 contains the revelation that most clothing is donated to secondhand stores following the death of a loved one.

Gallery 10216 contains live feeds of child molestations from around the world. The gallery has been upgraded to now feature sound.

Gallery 11896 contains the end of a tunnel and a switch.

Gallery 20256 contains an innumerable quantity of cancer cells.

Gallery 30000 contains a small amount of hope.

Gallery 30001 contains a blinding white light.

Gallery 30002 contains nothing but cancer cells.

Gallery 30003 contains the museum gift shop and the single, non-functioning parking validation machine.

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