Some Bullshit You Should Skip.

I am not ashamed to say that I am feeling a little bit weird right now. If I actually know you in real life, or if you have read this blog lately or if you’re my mom (hi Mom!), you know that I have recently gone through a breakup and that it has not the easiest breakup in history (though I’m sure it wasn’t the hardest either. I mean, neither of us was Sid Vicious or anything).

And so I’m feeling weird because I had a relatively smooth day at work today and so I just worked and worked and worked and then it was time to go home. And I came home, but there was no one here. I mean, the cats were here, but my roommate Dandelion (I’m still test-driving blog names for her) was at work and I didn’t have any plans for the night and I didn’t really feel like calling anyone up, so I have just been unpacking boxes and working on my sexy vampire robots and otherwise sitting in front of the computer and reading news and such and sending unsolicited blog entries out onto the unappreciative Internets.

Now I don’t want you to form some picture of me in your head as sad and lonely, because while I may be both sad and lonely, I don’t feel pitiful and I don’t want you to think that of me. There is a part of me that enjoys sitting here and typing these words on the dirty little plastic keys of my laptop. There is a part of me that is beginning to relax. I feel like it has been like five or six years since I was really relaxed. That seems like too long, right?

But I’m sitting here and I’m realizing that I basically feel like I’m on summer vacation, like this isn’t exactly my life, though it is not necessarily a bad one. The thing is that I have spent almost my entire adult life in one of two relationships. If you added it all up I have probably only been single for less than two years since I was seventeen. Unlike other bouts of singlehood in my past, I have the impression that this one might stick for a while. So I am trying very hard to rejigger my brain to the understanding that this is how lots and lots of people go through life. It is very strange. And it makes me want to ask all of you single people, what the hell have you been doing with your time? I mean, sure right now I’m just a guy yammering away on his blog, but I just went through a break up. Give me a few months and I will be knee deep in a novel (oh yeah! I want desperately to be writing a novel, my head just isn’t quite right yet).

Anyway, I guess the point is that this is weird. It is strange to sit here alone and listen to my Pandora (she has been like my babysitter lately) and to know that my girlfriend isn’t going to be walking in anytime soon. That she isn’t going to tell me about her day and that we aren’t going to make some small dinner together and then whisper to each other in bed later. It is very strange.

There is a part of me that realizes my life is completely off the rails right now and therefore anything is possible. I have yet to decide if that is exciting or horrifying. But I am trying to figure it out. No doubt you will have to read a lot more about it as I work on figuring it out.

And if the tone and tenor of this particular entry is not to your taste (because I sound sad) then just take some solace in the fact that I have already decided that July is going to be a super awesome month. I want to take advantage of July and try to sink my teeth into a little bit of life. I don’t really know what that means yet, but I want to suck the marrow from some bones. If you’re lucky I will find my camera soon so that you can see that when it happens.


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